Deadplant155

A closed door

2008-08-01T10:32:00.003-07:00

A closed door, originally uploaded by peia... (busy period).

Doors are back :)

2008-08-01T10:32:00.001-07:00

Doors are back :) , originally uploaded by Mine Beyaz.

Doors of Santa Fe

2008-08-01T10:24:00.001-07:00

Doors of Santa Fe, originally uploaded by MikeJonesPhoto.

Pretty Commonsensical™

2008-05-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

So I was just reading this article and I thought you guys might find it interesting. I've heard before that stuff that's plugged in is always drawing power, even when it's "off" but I didn't know specifics like the fact that a computer that's "off" can potentially draw as much power as a refrigerator, or that a cell phone charger that's still plugged in draws almost as much power as if you were charging your phone.

Story's here, http://greenhome.huddler.com/wiki/how-to-reduce-vampire-power , if you're interested. I've been shutting off power strips when I don't use stuff for a while, but I'm gonna do even more now that I know this, save myself a little money. Apparently it's supposed to be good for the planet too or something like that, not really sure how that works but hey, two birds with one stone.

Later!

-loren

If God Had Intended For Man To Fly...

2008-05-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

He'd have given him wings.

Well, it seems that the good Lord did see fit to give us wings, it just took a while for us to realize it.

For those of you too busy (see: lazy) to click the above link, a former fighter pilot by the name of Yves Rossy has built himself a Jetpack.

Yeah, a Jetpack. Don't believe me? Check it.

I just...wow. Um...wow. I mean COME ON! He can fly!
He

Can

Fly

If you're not giddy like a schoolgirl right now then there is something FREAKING wrong with you.

I mean, the guy is flying. I don't even know what else to say about this.

The future is here my friends, the Jetpack has arrived. Congratulations.

-loren

The Show

2008-04-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

So. I played at the Shell Beach Farmer's Market last Saturday (the 26th). It was only the second one they've had, they just started up two weeks ago. Let me just say that though I was glad for the opportunity and overall I'm still glad I played, the show was my worst ever. I've had bad shows before, and some were certainly worse for different reasons, I've made less money, had fewer people show up, been more disappointed in my performance, but this show...man. Everything (practically) that could go wrong, did.

I got there an hour early to setup (that's eight in the morning, since the market goes from 9 to 1). I figured it'd be cold since it's eight a.m. at the beach, but no, it was already at least seventy degrees, so I had to ditch the scarf, sweater, and finger-less gloves right when i got there. Also, no one was there. Booths started getting set up around 8:30 and people in charge got there even later. I of course remembered both of their names incorrectly, calling "Julie" Rebecca when we first met and referring to "David" as Adam. So, great first impression. My dad and I finally started to set up but the organizers hadn't fully figured out how exactly we'd be getting power, so we ended up having to wait for the lady with the bounce house to get there so we could mooch off of the generator she'd be bringing.

She showed up just before 9 and we plugged into her generator, but only after she voiced concerns as to whether or not it could withstand the amount of power we both required...So after soundcheck and difficulties with the sound system we were finally ready to start around 9:15. There weren't many people there yet but I figured it was early and there'd be sure to be more of them later. But no. I was wrong. There were never more than maybe, thirty people there at one time. Which isn't REALLY that big a deal, I once played at Frog 'n' Peach for an hour and a half for a group of five people plus Courtney and Katie. It still woulda been nice to have a little bigger of a crowd.

Well, let's see, about four songs in I was playing "Sound of Silence" and an old woman from across the way turned to me and mimed turning my volume down while grimacing. After the end of the song an old man (who I can only assume was her husband) came up to me and said "in honor of that last song, I'll give you this here dollar if you be quiet for ten minutes!" So basically, one old person said I was too loud and another came up and asked me to stop completely. I couldn't stop of course since I was being payed to play, but I did do a few quieter numbers until they left.

About ten minutes later I was just about to start in on another song when suddenly the sound system quit. My dad and I took a few seconds trying to figure out what was going on, when I noticed the bounce house out of the corner of my eye. It was collapsing. The combined wattage of our sound system and the bounce house had been just a tad too much for the generator to handle and it had crapped out about an hour into my set. So we hurried over to see if we could help, and amid the screams of little children panicking and their parents scrambling to save them from the quickly deflating castle, we managed to get the generator up and running again. I'm sure none of those children will ever enter a bounce house again.

So, to sum up, by this point in the day I've..........
made a fool of myself by forgetting EVERYONE's name
been standing in the hot sun for about two hours (with no sunscreen I might add)
been stressed out and rushing since everyone but me was late
been playing for primarily the vendors since almost no one is there
been asked not only to keep it down, but to actually stop playing by an elderly couple
been interrupted by a power outage in mid-song
been single-handedly responsible for traumatizing a dozen small children by collapsing their bouncy castle.

Kind of a mood killer!

But, we soldiered on and I went back up to play some more. After a few songs I was feeling better, especially after I played "Trapeze Swinger". A lot of people seemed to enjoy that one and a few stopped to listen. One such individual, an elderly gentleman with a beard and a great wisdom in his eyes, came up to me after the song to buy a cd. He started talking to me and asked if he could request a song off of the cd he'd just bought. I've had people recognize the covers before and request them so that didn't seem weird at all. Then as he's browsing the track list to find a song to request (he wasn't familiar with any of them) he suddenly turned a piercing gaze on me and asked "Loren, do you know Jesus?" I stuttered for a moment and almost said "no", since I thought he was talking about a song. Then he asked again and I proudly replied "Yes, yes I do." He seemed satisfied at this and went back to the track list.

But no. Now he started asking me about specific songs on the album and whether or not they were about... the Lord. I had to tell him that no, unfortunately none of the original songs on my album were about...the Lord. He then noticed 9 Crimes and asked if I'd play that (he assumed for some reason it would be about....the Lord) and I said yes, since it was the song I had been planning on playing next anyway. He continued to discuss spiritual matters with me for another ten minutes or so, so long that my dad had to put his iPod on the sound system to keep people entertained while I wasn't playing. After he'd given me instructions on which books to read while trying to write a song about the Lord, and how precisely to beg forgiveness after each and every sin, he settled back into the crowd to listen.

I played 9 Crimes and he talked to me for another five minutes or so after, and finally left the field. He'd told me his name was Joe, and I felt very glad that I'd be able to forget it now that he'd gone. I moved on with the show.

During my next song (I kid you not) an ant with wings landed on my cheek. Bugs had been all over us the whole day and I tried to get rid of it inconspicuously by shaking my head. This failed to dislodge the beastie however as he crawled closer to my eye. Now alarmed I briefly took my left hand off the guitar to brush him away (this is all mid-song, remember). Of course in my haste I failed to brush the creature off at all, instead pushing him into my eye. It was a bright day and I had sunglasses on, and thanks to my failed attempt at removing the insectoid intruder, a bug was millimeters away from my eyeball and had nowhere to fly. My instincts kicked in and I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. I had been just in time to stop the monster from reaching my delicate ball of eye, and I could now feel his cursed legs move and jitter as he crawled across my eyelid. How long he was there I do not know. By the songs end, he had departed, but he had left a shadow of terror upon my heart.

Oh, how I suffer for my art.

By now I'd been out there for about two hours with the sun beating down on my neck and I still had no sunscreen. I decided it was time for a water break and I went on a hunt for some protection from the sun's vile rays (side note, this is why I spend so much time inside and you should stop ridiculing me for it. The sun burns your flesh. Literally). Luckily David, one of the event coordinators, knew where to find some! I liberally lathered the lotion upon my already severely reddened skin. I knew that I would be in severe pain later in the day and for several days after, but I took solace in the fact that my body was now adequately armored against the fiendish light of the ultra violet spectrum.

It is now almost noon, the hottest part of a terribly hot day. The crowd has shifted to a younger audience in general though and I'm starting to feel a little better about things in general when my eyes fall upon a familiar face. One (Name removed for privacy purposes) and his wife and son happen to be browsing the very same farmer's market I'm playing at. Now, for those of you who don't know, (Name removed for privacy purposes) is my boss, the owner of (Company name excluded for legal reasons). Huzzah! Now don't get me wrong. The man is my employer and I'm very grateful to him, and he is not a bad person, and his family is lovely, but there are certain times when you would rather not see your boss. Saturdays, for instance, or when you're not in a good mood, or when you're out with your friends or family, or when you're currently at another job. Of course, today satisfied all of the aforementioned requirements. Just my luck I suppose. I introduced my dad to (Name removed for privacy purposes) and his family, after which the family departed, but (Name removed for privacy purposes) sat down to listen! Sigh. So I played "Mr. Nice Guy" and he applauded and purchased a cd and praised my flawless work and made a statement about his joyous anticipation at the prospect of seeing me once more at the beginning of the workweek. He left.

Well, that was fun. On with the show.

During the next song I spied a figure in the audience who was at once familiar and strange. It was John, the elderly genleman (see: religious fanatic) from earlier, except now he had on a biker's helmet and jacket. The back of course was emblazoned with the words "John Three Sixteen". After a song or two he came up to talk to me with the cd he purchased earlier in his hand. He returned the disc to the pile and though curious, I didn't mention it. "Oh hey, I didn't recognize you at first with the helmet" I said. "Yes," he replied, "My brother was here about twenty minutes ago and bought this cd from you." Confused, I said nothing. "My brother, looks just like me? Asked if you knew Jesus..." and he went on to recount the summary of our last conversation to me, in an effort to remind of the conversation I'd had with...his brother...(please understand, this is not a case of mistaken identity. The man claiming to be the brother of the man I'd spoken to before was in fact, the same person). After he was satisfied that I remembered "his brother" (see: him) from before, he gave me an assignment. "Remember that song you played, Loren? 9 Crimes? I want you to read John 9, and write a song about that. Just read the whole chapter and write a song." By this point, I was so confused and ready for him to leave that I agreed to whatever he said by dumbly nodding and trying to keep the look of utter consternation off of my face. "Well, if you do that for me, I'll give you this" and he pulled out a leather monogrammed carrying case with a crisp new 2-dollar bill in it. Yeah, a two. They're real. Just not very common. Or very impressive. I tried to refuse it, saying I couldn't be sure he'd be satisfied with my efforts, but he insisted, dropping it into my tips box and walking away.

He didn't leave immediately, but rather stayed in the crowd talking to another of his friends who had shown up. I don't know what they talked about but I heard him mention something about coming to the market to look for a singer for his band or something, and pointing at me :|

No John, I would not like to be in your band.

Moving on. At this point, I felt ready for anything, but little else actually happened. My friend and drummer Matt showed up to take pictures (add "photographer" to previous list of Matt's professions) as a favor to me and that was cool. It was about 12:30 now and I was pretty sure I could make it the last half hour without any major mishaps or meltdowns. Boy was I wrong.

So wrong.

The final act in this little comedy is really something special. The wind had started picking up about halfway through the show, and at first I was grateful for the cool breeze. It had been slowly building from a breeze to a downright gale however, and had already blown away some of my money (which was recovered) and even some cd's (also recovered)! Now though, it was even stronger. The vendors at this market all had large canopies on extendable legs to keep themselves, their wares, and their customers safe from the sun's harsh rays. One such canopy over a sandwich vendor was directly across the parkway from me, and incidentally directly in the path of the oncoming wind. The vendor had apparently not thought it necessary to anchor his canopy to the ground in any way (ten bucks if you can guess where this is going). Of course, in the middle of my cover of "Grey Room", the wind hit a new high and managed to actually lift the tent off of the ground and send it tumbling across the field directly towards me. I panicked, and my initial instinct was the same as during the bug attack, "the show must go on". By this point I had managed to get a crowd of about four people, and the noticed the flying tent in time to run up and grab it, but it was inexorable in it's advance, and their combined efforts proved too little to stop it. Growing more agitated, I still attempted to continue with the song, much like the musician's aboard the Titanic, playing soothing tones well into what they knew were there final moments. Although, you know, with less imminent death. I finally (after what felt like minutes, but was really more like ten seconds) stopped playing and pointed out the oncoming to my dad, who rushed over to help. They finally managed to get it under control, mere feet from myself and all of our sound equipment, myself, Matt, and several onlookers staring dumbly, not fully comprehending the events that had just unfolded. Matt, as I was later made to understand, had suffered a similar moment of indecision, torn between photographing the bizarre incident and rushing to help.

Once more, a bit difficult to get back "in the mood" and keep playing, but I persevered. It is hard to imagine even now, days after, how I found the strength to carry on amidst such adversity, but we humans are strange creatures, capable of unforgivable weakness and at the same time, unimaginable strength. The moral of the story is, well, I rock.

Of course, I'm joking about how awesome I am, but all of the events recounted in the above reading are one hundred percent true. Not even embellished, it's not necessary. Now I've got amusing anecdotes to share, and hopefully it will never be worse than that. I'm a little surprised, I must say, that none of my strings broke and that I did in fact get paid. I was pretty sure that after all the mishaps and in light of the fact that I forgot both of the organizer's names that I may have also heard wrong when they said they'd pay me, or that they'd just withhold it since I put on such a miserable show. But some things did end up going right, and all in all it was fun.

So, thanks for reading!

-loren

Dreams and Nightmares Pt. 3

2008-01-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

I am outside a large wooden building. It looks rustic, like a log cabin. The wood is stained dark brown, the building is large with a sloping roof. It is winter. The building is a hotel, it appears to be a mountain resort, though I don't see any snow.

I see a group of people walking in, they look happy. My love is there, but she is arm in arm with another man. He is short, with dark skin and curly dark hair. He looks youthful but not young. She doesn't see me. I walk in behind them.

His name is Colin.

My mom and dad are inside, they've broken up and are away on a weekend together against their will. I see my love and Colin walking up the wooden stairs together, presumably to their room. I call out to her, and she turns. Colin stops on the stairs and watches as my love greets me with a hug.

"Who is he?"

She is angered by my question. She tells me I am too untrusting, and that she needs to be able to spend time with her friends without me being jealous. We continue to fight. She leaves with Colin.

It is time for dinner. There is a common eating area. I sit with my friends and my parents. She sits with him, and after dinner they leave together. My parents decide over dinner to try the relationship again. They will spend the night together. I have nowhere to spend the night. Dinner ends, and I have won a door prize, a classic car waits for me outside. I grab a blanket and go outside to sleep in my prize. It is more a bunch of scrap metal with an engine than it is a car, but it will keep me warm.

I sleep.

When I wake, I find myself outdoors, sleeping on a mobile tray used in the kitchens. The hotel was real, but I dreamed that I received a car in a door prize. In reality I'm sleeping under a blanket on a used kitchen tray in the doorway of the hotel. The sound of patrons coming and going woke me. I am in my pajamas. I see my love and Colin come back from wherever they went. His hair now has bleached blonde tips.

I don't want to confront them in my current state, but I have no choice. She is not angry, she only seems tired. She will not give me a definite answer when I ask if she is choosing him over me, but she follows him back to his room after telling me we are over. I have no reason left to stay here.

I decide to leave.

My dad drove us here, but he tried to drive in the night and his truck was overturned on the icy roads. We have no car. We start to walk. The sky goes dark as clouds begin to gather overhead. They are moving in a way I've never seen, like something out of a movie. They churn and boil like a living thing, and they spread much too quickly. At first we are surprised, but not scared, then lightning strikes.

With it, come the monsters.

There is a large metallic creature with fists like hammers crushing cars and streetlights on the bridge ahead of us. People all around are slowly realizing what is happening, and they turn to run away screaming. Cars screech as they swerve around one another on the icy roads. There are large creatures all around, but they don't seem to be angry, not specifically targeting anyone. I feel insignificant, almost like an ant under the shoe of a playing child.

We find a motorbike and are able to start it without a key, but as we are about to leave an asian woman runs up and says that it belongs to her. We cannot steal it knowing we are condemning her to death, so we let her take it.

We are separated.

It's strange, I don't see anything being destroyed, but suddenly, all the buildings around me are partially destroyed or crumbling. Bodies fill the streets, and I see several people collapsed on the side of the road crying. Waiting for death.

The lady with the motorbike finds me and offers a ride, and we try to escape town. We are being chased now. The creatures do terrible things to the people who they don't immediately kill. I don't know what they do exactly, but there are people around us now who are choosing to take their own lives to prevent themselves being taken. We are in an alleyway, I ask the lady on the motorbike if we should just give up and kill ourselves rather than chance the hell that is capture. She mistakes this for a threat.

She abandons me.

I see a couple huddled in the alley just feet away from me. A young man and woman. They are sobbing, the man has a knife. There are explosions all around and sounds like voices, but not from this world. The woman looks into the man's eyes, and through the tears, he whispers.

"I'm sorry"

He slides the knife in between her ribs, hoping to hit a lung or her heart and save her the torture of our living hell. I am paralyzed as I watch. There is a noise and a bright light to my left. The young man and I both look to see the source of the light. I feel a strange feeling, hope, but mixed with awe and even terror. I don't know what I saw...because at that moment

I wake up.

Dreams and Nightmares Pt. 2

2008-01-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

I am in a house. This house is not like other homes, it is more of an indoor playground. There are bright colors, there are no stairs, only ramps connecting the three floors. The overhead floors have catwalks but no floor proper. Everything but the third floor looks to be made out of large pieces of plastic with rounded edges, like a little tykes playground. The third floor is open to the outside air, covered in climbing ivy and looks to be poorly constructed out of old and rotting wood.

There is an old VW Bus on the third floor.

The house is not empty, there are kittens, and dogs wandering through the halls and up and down the ramps and over the catwalks. I reach the second floor and an older lady greets me with several photographs. One is a picture of me in the house, with two kittens (one black and one calico) and a golden retriever beside me.

I realize this is some sort of game.

A fetch quest, in which I have to find the animals in the picture and bring them to the lady on the second floor. I go back downstairs and find the dark cat, but not the others, and as I walk back up the ramp I lose my footing and fall to my death. Immediately before I die, the world goes black, and after a few seconds, I wake once more in the entryway of the house.

I've used up one life.

I climb the ramp again and talk to the lady on the second floor. This time I decide to explore the third floor. It is an aviary, that's why it is open to the outside air, so the birds can come and go as they please. There is an older man inside a makeshift shelter here. He is bald, unkempt, and vaguely threatening. He says nothing but looks at me disapprovingly. I start to leave the third floor, when I see movement out of the corner of my eye.

There are snakes in the aviary.

Hundreds of snakes, all around, coming out of the ivy, climbing through the roof, up through the floor. They surround me and they hiss and slither and I panic. I fall from the third floor. Once more I die and am reborn at the entrance.

I've used up a second life.

I climb the ramp once more, to the lady on the second floor. The golden retriever from the picture is here with her, I take him with me. His name if Roland. Back on the first floor I find the dark cat playing, and I bring her as well. I wonder if Roland would be able to protect me from the snakes, but I don't chance it. The calico cat is upstairs, we climb the ramp to find him. I hear the man on the third floor coming out of his shelter.

I begin to worry.

The third cat is across the room, we follow the catwalk where it clings to the wall, and we reach the third cat, I bring him as well. We go back to see the lady on the second floor, as I hear the VW Bus's engine start. I wonder how the bus got up there, and I hear the snakes start to hiss and slither. The lady on the second floor takes out an old polaroid camera, and I smile as Roland and the two cats crowd into the picture.

The camera flashes, and I am gone.

I guess I won.

Dreams and Nightmares Pt. 1

2008-01-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

I'm in a courtyard, there is a large modern building in front of me, concrete surrounds, making up the ground, stairs, even sculptures.

Three men approach, I don't know them, but I instinctively know their names. The first, a stooped old man in a suit, is named Jack. The second, also in a suit, is his son, Bill. The third is Bill's son, who goes by "Buster". They walk up to me and the older men take a step back, their hands folded in front of them with expectant looks on their faces. I am confused, until Buster walks up and without provocation attacks me. The reasons for his actions are unclear.

He punches me, but I catch his fist and use his momentum to not only sidestep the blow but spin him around and throw him to the ground. He is angry now, his next blow lands on my ribs, I'm dazed. I retaliate with an open handed slap that turns into a grab as I thrust his head away from me, he stumbles back. I kick him in the stomach as he reels, and another punch to his solar plexus drops him once more to the ground.

His father and grandfather look on disapprovingly. Somehow I now know that a business deal that would be to the detriment of me and mine depends on Buster defeating me in a fight. He'll try again, and again, until he succeeds, I must be watchful.

I walk inside the modern building. It's a hotel, but a lavish one. The front wall is all glass panes with pale gold colored supports bordering each pane. The panes are four feet wide and six feet tall. The lobby alone has a ceiling thirty feet high. There are marble floors and walls, with comfortable but only lightly ornamented furniture adorns the waiting area. A real wood-burning fireplace provides heat. It is winter.

I see my love walking with a man she used to know. I am angry. She sees me and bids him farewell, I ask her the meaning of her actions. She says she saw an old friend, nothing more. I ask if she slept with him and after some thought, she admits that yes, she did. I leave, angrily.

I sleep the night in my hotel room, but not before another ill-advised attack from Buster. The next morning I decide I will leave the hotel and return home. I pack my bags and go downstairs. My room is on the 7th floor. In the lobby, my party sits in the waiting area. They are eating breakfast, talking, laughing. Among them is my love. She shouts that she is sorry, but she will not rise. She is on a crowded couch against the glass wall. As I exit the automatic glass doors beneath the concrete archway outside the hotel, I see Buster and his father and grandfather approach.

I must end this.

I tell him this will be our last fight, he says nothing but throws me against the wall of the archway instead. He tries to punch me but I sidestep, and he hits the wall instead. He is hurt but not badly. He tries again to charge me, but I sidestep once more and grab him from behind. Arms around his torso, I begin so spin until his feet are lifted off the ground. When I feel I have enough momentum I throw him into the wall of the archway. He falls and hits the ground headfirst. He does not rise.

I turn to leave.

Through the still open doorway I hear my love shout once again that she is sorry and that I misunderstood her yesterday. I ignore her and continue to walk away. Still sitting on the couch, she knocks her knuckles against the glass wall of the lobby. I turn to her and she tries to speak to me but I can't hear her. I signal as much.

Suddenly I hear her voice as clearly as if she were standing next to me. I am surprised. I walk closer to the glass. I ask how I can hear her. She does not move her mouth, but I hear her words inside my head saying "Think to me." I think to her "How is this possible?" I feel silly, and I know there's no way she could hear my thoughts. She responds "I can hear you, and you can hear me. We are connected." Suddenly it seems only natural that we should be able to hear one another's thoughts. My anger is forgotten in light of this new revelation. She tells me that she did not sleep with him yesterday, she misunderstood my question. She had slept with him in the past, but I already was aware of that. I am still concerned, and hurt.

I wake up.

I have to be going now

2007-12-19T15:37:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of reading about the music industry and the music business as of late. This interest is mostly motivated by my own attempts to break into same. A lot of the current buzz is about new avenues of production, distribution and promotion that are provided by the online age we find ourselves in.

The now well-known but at the time unbelievable decision that Radiohead made to distribute their newest album online with a 'pay-what-you-will' system is just one of many many examples of the changing landscape of the music industry as an entity. Artists can now record songs on home studios that cost less than home computers, or even use their computers themselves with cheap as free software.

With even large companies and big-budget movies resorting to viral internet marketing to publicize their product, it's becoming clear that paying hundreds of thousands of dollars isn't the only way to get people interested in your music.

I for one am very excited about the new direction that music will (hopefully) be taking soon. The record companies should be worried.

I remember the first time I realized that artists don't in fact own their own music. My dad works for a company that makes electronics (pickups) for acoustic guitars, and because of this I've gotten to meet several small/medium/and big-time musicians who's equipment he has worked on. We were at a Bob Bennet concert when I was ten or so, and afterwards he came over to our house for dinner. While we were walking to our car I asked (in my childlike naivette) Bob if I could have a copy of his CD. He chuckled uncomfortably as my dad explained that Bob couldn't just give it away for free, even to friends. I couldn't understand why, and my dad had a hard time trying to explain to me that Mr. Bennet didn't own his own songs, but rather a "label" did.

This didn't seem right to me then and it still doesn't seem right to me now. Music is possibly the most personal and emotional form that artwork can take, and there is no reason whatsoever that some conglomerate or corporation should "own" an artist's creation.

Anyway, a lot of the recent innovations in technology are starting to get noticed and implemented by musicians and I'm reading more and more about big name artists making moves away from the traditional label setup. Even more encouraging is hearing about indie artists like Allison Weiss who are entirely self-produced and self-promoted who are making quite a splash in their own right. It gives me hope not only for my own music, but for the quality of mainstream music in general. The further we can get away from labels spending millions upon millions of dollars trying to cultivate what they think the public wants in an artist and then convincing the public that this artist is what they want, the better. I could just be being naive again but it seems like me that the more we move in the direction things are going now the more and more genuine talent will be recognized rather than connections and dumb luck propelling people to the top.

I've just rambled about this topic for ten minutes after keeping it rattling around in the back of my head for a few months, so it's not the most well formulated thing you've ever read, I'm sure. I just like getting my thoughts out, hopefully there's something in there you find interesting.

Thanks for reading,

-loren

Loren Radis - Hey There Delilah (Cover)

2007-12-17T11:49:00.001-08:00

this is me at my most recent show playing a cover of 'hey there delilah' by the plain white tees.

hope you like it!

-loren

2007-12-11T15:14:00.000-08:00

the oldest story

2007-09-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

ronin was a very happy boy.

ronin's mother bought him a shiny red balloon, and a tasty lollipop. the balloon floated through the skies on a string high above his head, and the lollipop was so very big his small mouth couldn't fit it at all.

ronin's friends played with him on the swings and in the sand. they teased him but he teased back. he knew they didn't mean the things they said and their ribbing was always good natured.

ronin's dog spot was the smartest dog on the whole planet. spot secretly spoke to him when no one else was looking, and he and spot went on marvelous adventures together through the wilderness of the backyard.

ronin met a girl named elenia. he knew that girls had cooties. he knew to stay away from girls. he'd even heard that if a boy were to have the misfortune of finding himself alone with a girl, she would show her true form as a vampire and suck the very life right out of your neck.

but there was something different about elenia.

ronin liked elenia a great deal, but she didn't feel the same way.

ronin, is a very sad boy.

huh. that's interesting.

2007-09-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.russiatoday.ru/news/news/13304

wow...crazy stuff there. a mineral that absorbs radiation from liquids? apparently a lot of the spread of the nuclear waste in chernobyl was from irradiated water supplies, so in theory, having this mineral in use at the time could have prevented a lot of the destruction.

on the one hand this is incredibly cool, a new mineral, not to mention one that has such bizarre and immediately applicable uses is just...wow. but i can't help but wonder, what happens to the radiation...so the mineral absorbs it...but where does it go? is it neutralized? does the mineral in question perhaps have it's own form of radiation? i mean, the people who found this thing are way smarter than me but...you know, when scientists first started screwing around with nuclear materials and other irradiated materials they weren't aware of radiation sickness. just kinda worries me what this find might entail that we're not considering. what if though, what if it could neutralize radiation? what if they could apply it to energies in the atmosphere as well as those in water, nuclear waste would be a thing of the past.

holy crap.

well, anyway, that's about all, just wanted to keep you guys in the know.

i thought it was a cool article.

thanks

-loren

Posing a question

2007-09-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

I've recently been attempting to entrench myself deeply into the indie/local music scene in every way I know how. The reasons for this are threefold; firstly, I want to conduct research into what other people trying to "make it" in the area are doing, secondly; I want to try and see if my sound is already too prevalent and whether it's even something people would like to listen to and thirdly, most indie music is freaking amazing, and a ton of the local bands I've seen are phenomenal as well.

The second issue is the one I'd like to put before you good people now. You see, I'm finding more and more as I go out that not only is the "guy with a guitar" thing really over done, it's often done a lot better than me by people who don't seem to be "making it" at all. Is my sound just going to be more white noise in a sea of clouds? Am I written off even before being heard just because I'm a "guy with a guitar"? When they hear me do people think "wow, he's really good, I want to learn more about him and maybe buy a cd" or do they think "huh, this isn't bad to listen to while i'm having conversation, but I'm not going to remember his name tomorrow"?

Damien Rice, Elliott Smith, Sam Beam (of Iron & Wine), Sufjan Stevens, Joshua Radin, Devandra Banhart, Connor Oberst, Ben Gibbard, Nick Drake, Colin Hay, frickin' Jack Johnson, the list goes on. I'm not comparing myself to these artists in any way, I know that'd be so stuck up it's ridiculous. I also know they're all a little bit unique, a little bit different. But they're all guys with guitars, writing acoustic folk songs about life and love and why. And this is just the tip of the ice berg. How many more brilliant artists in the same vein did I not list, have I not heard of yet, have not been discovered yet?

Is there a place in there for me?

My lyrics are immature, my presentation is lacking, my guitar playing is simple at best, downright insultingly plain at worst. My vocal talents (though improving) are still sub par, with poor pitch, poor vocal control, no extensive range, and no real loud/intense sound. Melodies once again fall under the heading of "simple" or "immature". I don't have any songs with a real hook, though some could be described loosely as "catchy".

I'm not even being crippled by one of my attacks of self doubt, I'm just being as objective as possible to try and see if I should even try. This is what I want to do, this is what I feel like I'm supposed to do....but if I'm not gonna make it I don't want to waste my life trying for something I can never have. I know I'll learn and experience things that will change me and change my music, I know I'll improve with practice and experience....but will it be enough?

Can I be enough?

I don't know. I'm not looking for reinforcement or a pat on the back or a "go git 'em tiger". I'm looking for honest opinions. Thanks everyone. I hope I can be better than I am, and that my best can be good enough.

-loren

Skipping Through Traffic

2007-08-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

So they're doing roadwork on Madonna Road. If you're not from around here you probably aren't aware that Madonna is the main thoroughfare through this particular part of San Luis Obispo. My office is located at one end of said road, while my house is five blocks in the opposite direction. Usually the drive takes approximately five minutes, depending on how many lights I hit.

Today, the drive took upwards of twenty.

Now, I realize this is not an earth-shattering delay or an inconvenience really deserving of this level of complainery™ , but let me tell you a little bit about myself and the situation, and maybe that will make things a little clearer.

Firstly, I hate traffic. Now that's a word I probably use a little too lightly, but in this instance I actually mean it. I HATE traffic. The feeling of powerlessness and isolation, coupled with the increasing frustration of being late, stop-and-go, not to mention the discomfort from sitting too long and the heat, etcetera. All these things added together are among the reasons that I hate traffic.

I also hate (this time that's probably not quite the right word, maybe abhor...) cd's that skip. Not just cd's that have one or two skips in a given song, but when a cd is cheap enough or has been treated poorly enough that it literally skips every three or four seconds, often losing it's place and pausing for a good ten seconds while trying to find it again.

Today in traffic I was listening to just such a cd.

It's made all the worse when it's a cd/song that you particularly enjoy, or one you're trying to learn. I'm singing along with my incredible Iron & Wine mix, almost, but not quite, forgiving the horrific traffic because the music just makes me so damn happy, and suddenly a skip!

"Calm down", I tell myself. "It's probably just a fluke or a bump in the road, you only burned this cd a week or so ago and-" but my inner monologue is interrupted by yet another skip! "It's ok, these are cheap cd's, but you've taken pretty good care of this one, it's probably just some dust and it won't happen again." but seconds after finishing my thought, another skip!

By now it's impossible to follow along with the song as it's skipping every few seconds, the temperature in the car is steadily rising due to the lack of breeze or movement and the unavoidable beating of the sun's bright rays, not to mention my own agitation bringing up my internal temperature.

Needless to say, I did not arrive home for lunch in the best of moods.

The drive back, I naturally decided in my infinite cleverness to take an alternate route home that, although traditionally would have taken longer, given the traffic on the normal route this new one would save me considerable time and spare me the stress of the cursed stop and go.

Of course, everyone else had the exact same brilliant idea at the same time.

So after lunch, I did not arrive back at work in the best of moods. Hence, spending my first half hour back typing this blog to complain about my drive, rather than getting to any actual work.

Thanks for reading, sorry for complaining.

later

-loren

allison's myspace survey

2007-08-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

1. If I looked in your trunk, what would I find?
skateboards

2. Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?
Closed

3. Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawers, or just thrown in?
folded

4. Dating anyone?
No.

5. Are you a cuddler?..
Definitely.

6. What would I find if I looked under your bed?
sandals

7. Something that happened today that has made you mad?
nothing really.

8. What were you doing before this survey?
working. ish.

9. What will you do after this survey?
work. ish.

10. Marriage or living together?
um, marriage eventually.

11. What are you wearing right now?
socks shoes underwear jeans and a t-shirt.

12. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
talk about them sometimes, write about them (whether it's blogs or songs or whatever...)

13. Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
i've found that more than anything else i regret missed opportunities.

14. First thing you do when you wake up?
um, i dunno, check my e-mail? turn off the tv?

15. Last person you told you love them?

16. Kiss with your eyes open or closed?
Closed.

17. Bite or Lick?
ha. both?

18. Last argument you got into?
drunken argument that turned out to be about nothing anyway :)

19. Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
used to. not anymore.

20. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
i've actually just stopped even setting my alarm, since it wakes up my roommates before it wakes me.

21. If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend
would you?
um, lemme think-YES.

22. What is the current advertisement on the side of the screen?
none. i've got 'em blocked :D

23. What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
hm. listening to a lot of coldplay and jimmy eat world (i'm goin back to my roots bitches)

24. When will you turn 50?
2034. wow.

25. If you were being chased by an alligator, what would you do?
pray to god to bring steve irwin back from the dead to rescue me. or that paul hogan would be filming "crocodile dundee 3: crocodile dundette" somewhere nearby and he could save me.

26. How many pillows are on your bed?
three at the moment, usually just the two though.

27. What song are you currently listening to?
fix you - coldplay

28. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
no. passed out while drunk from being tired a few times.

29. If you caught a significant other cheating on you what would you do?
cry a lot, ask them to take me back. probably never really get over it and never trust again.

30. What time did you wake up this morning?
3:50, then around seven.

31. Do you have any cousins?
yeah a few.

32. Can you imagine yourself living in a cardboard box?
haha, i look funny.

33. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
dianna cotta, event planner for farmer's market.

34. What is the WORST subject they teach in school?
oh god. in p.e. one year i had to learn the macarena. in sixth grade. that was effing traumatizing.

35. Where do you plan on living when you grow up?
i'm grown up, so i guess here. i'd kinda like to get out though...

36. What was your dream this morning?
it wasn't so much a dream as it is a thought that enters my mind every time i wake up. i see things that make me think life is one way, and i want to believe it will always be that way. it's kind of a waking dream that lasts as long as i lay there and don't let myself think about the future.

37. How many times have you seen your favorite movie?
i don't have a favorite movie so... 73?

38. Where was the last place you traveled?
traveled? um, nipomo. lol.

39. How was your past weekend?
Really really good actually.

40. What is your favorite song?
probably.... across the universe - john lennon.

41. If puppies stayed small forever, would you buy one?
eff yeah?

42. What is the best ice cream flavor?
mint chip.

43. Do you think you are attractive?
i think i have good days once in a while, but i'd have to say...average at best. :\

44. Is someone on your mind right now?
yeah i guess.

45. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
not really. it's actually something i've tried before, ugh.

46. Do you worry about how you look?
very much so. don't tell anyone though, i try to put out the "i don't care how i look or what you think of me" vibe. i think it makes me look cool. :P

47. Would you ever change for a boy/girl?
in a relationship both people have to compromise either something about themself or something they want/need in the other person. so yeah, i would. for the right person.

48. Pro-life or Pro-choice?
pro-life. there's always exceptions, like if the mom's life depends on it and the baby'll probably die anyway or something crazy like that, but i don't wanna think about something that horrible, so i won't.

49. Have you ever been on stage?
a few small ones, yeah. it's a pretty cool rush.

50. Can you whistle?
no. thanks for rubbing it in my face.

51. Do you know who Stewie Griffin is?
stewie's kind of my hero.

52. Do you have any plans for today?
karaoke tonight hopefully, beyond that not really.

53. Are you friends with more guys or girls?
Girls.

54. Why?
not really sure, i just get along better with girls, i tend to be more emotional and whatnot. guys...well....ok, honestly? i'm always comparing myself to other people, so it's hard to be around other guys cuz i see all the ways they're better than me and it kind of depresses me. how's that for psychoanalyizing and brutal honesty in a blog?

55. Have you ever thought a friend could be more than a friend?
yeah.

56. Do you like the beach?
couldn't imagine living further than ten minutes away from one.

57. What color is your toothbrush?
i don't even know.. white mostly.

58. What makes you laugh?
steven wright. steve martin. steve carell. steve zissou. steve erkle...guys named steve, apparently. oh, and midgets. (but not really)

59. Are you ticklish?
not even a little bit.

courtney's myspace survey

2007-08-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

-Prologue-

1. Who took your default pic?
summer

2. Exactly what are you wearing right now?
esteem shirt, gap jeans, pinstripe converse, socks and boxers.

3. What is your current problem?
me

4. What makes you most happy?
nothing makes me happy. it's a choice i make.

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
casimir pulaski (sufjan stevens)

6. Do you like MTV?
no.

7. Name something that annoys you about people.
knowing you're right/better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1 :
(About Me)

1. Nickname(s)?
NA

2. Eye color?
blue/green

3. Hair color?
blonde

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2 :
(My Family)

1. Do you live with your parent(s)?
no

2. Do you get along with your parents?
yes

3. Do you have any Siblings?
two

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3 :
(My Favorites)

1. Ice Cream
mint chip

2. Season:
autumn or winter

3. Book:
favorite book? can't pick one. right now i'm reading sex drugs and cocoa puffs and enjoying it.

4. Band or singer:
band - the beatles, singer - freddie mercury

5. Food:
pizza, hooray i'm in sixth grade!

6. Drink(s) (non alcoholic):
water.

7. Drink(s) (alcoholic
mmm, vanilla vodka and cran grape.

8. Sport:
yeah, not so much.

9. Pen color:
black

10. Store:
costco, ha.

Chapter 4 :
(Do You..?)

1. Write on your hand?
yes, and doodle sometimes too. in fact, i think i will now.

2. Call people back?
usually.

3. Believe in love?
i want to

4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed?
no preference

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 5 :
(Have You..?)

1. Been kissed?
yeah.

3. Had physical therapy?
no

4. Gotten surgery?
not really, i've had a few teeth pulled but nothing really intrusive.

5. Taken painkillers?
i'm hooked, what can i say.

6. Been stung by a bee?
once as a kid, must have been lucky though cuz it didn't hurt at all.

7. Thrown up at a doctors office?
nope.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6 :
(Who/What was the last..)

1. Movie you saw in the movie theatres?
i wanna say bourne ultimatum

2. Thing you touched?
? keyboard....

3. Thing you ate?
mints, before that teriyaki bowl.

4. Thing you said?
i was explaining to matt why there was an ak 47 in his "stevens" dts. :|

5. See you naked?
me!

6. Person you hugged?
courtney

7. Person you kissed?
courtney

8. Person you called?
downtown slo association

9. Person to call you?
matt

10. Book you read?
lovely bones

11. Place you worked?
visual purple

12. Time you cleaned your room?
just a few days ago i rearranged so i could get my damn beanbag off the floor :P

'Nother gig

2007-08-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

Last week I played in Avila at Mr. Rick's bar down on the beach, if all goes according to plan then I'm playing there again tonight for their open mic night. It's super laid back, last time I played for just over an hour. I doubt that'll happen again, but I'm planning on doing a few songs so, stop on by if you wanna hear at all :)

Starts at 7:30-ish, but I'll be in avila earlier than that, practicing and whatnot.

Thanks, see you there!

loren

Randomosity

2007-07-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

You ever have those moments where you feel like you've got things kind of figured out? Like, maybe not life, per se, but you feel like you're finally past this one particular hurdle you've been struggling with, you feel like you finally understand, something just clicked, and whatever it is won't be a problem anymore?

I have moments like that fairly frequently. Well, maybe not frequently, but I have them often enough to remember having had them before. I also have them often enough to have come up with a name for it.

I call it...The Full House Effect.

Specifically, the part of the show about three minutes before the credits when a family figure explains to someone who's been having problems or creating trouble throughout the episode why what they did is wrong, and the person in question having a moment of understanding where they seem to have things figured out. The episode ends with an "I learned something today" note and everybody's happy. You feel like they're really going to be happier for the lesson they learned from here on out.

Now, Full House is of course not the only show that has this effect, in fact, just about every show does. One of the best examples in contemporary media in my opinion is Scrubs. Zach Braff's character JD always (seriously, every single episode) has a crisis, then at the fifteen minute break, a montage illustrating the problems going on in the character's lives is played to a voice over by Braff explaining what's wrong. Then after the last commercial break, another montage shows how everyone overcame their personal demons, learned a little something, and became a better person for it, again to a voice over by Braff explaining exactly how they did it and what they learned.

Seeing something like this, it's common (for me at least) to do a little head shake in disgust at the foolishness of 1) the characters and 2) the writers. The characters for always learning an important lesson and then promptly forgetting it by the next episode, and the writers for expecting an audience to believe any real person could be that dense.

But if you stop and think about it...well, we kind of are. Well, not even kind of. We are that dense. At least, I am. I don't know how many time I've felt like I was finally over some wrong committed against me or some unfortunate event that took place only to find myself back in the exact same situation emotionally that I was before I thought I'd figured it out. More to the point, I don't know how many times I've thought to myself "that was a terrible idea" or even "this is a terrible idea" and gone ahead and done it again anyway.

Which brings me to my next topic, one of the best sitcoms of all time, and probably some of the best television programming of all time, Friends.

Now, in Friends, they did have the same per episode arc and the same "intro, conflict, resolution, lesson learned" formula, but they also, contrary to most tv shows of this type, had many many over-reaching arcs that carried through several episodes. Characters would learn and change based on their experiences, relationships would evolve realistically, and crises were not always resolved or averted in a single episode.

The most obvious and extreme arc would of course be the Ross and Rachel dynamic. Will they/Won't they/Why did they/Why didn't they and all the other relationship drama carried over ten entire seasons of the show. Established in the very first episode and not resolved until the series finale, this was an arc to remember. However, they didn't have to make every episode about Ross and Rachel to keep it alive. There's dozens of episodes, heck, even entire seasons where nothing of substance happens between Ross and Rachel, no conflict, whole years with the relationship just kind of gelling in the friend phase.

Just like in Full House or scrubs, when you feel initially like it's so unrealistic for characters to behave in this way, but when you think about it it's actually very similar to life, just compacted down to a bite size half hour episode, this habit of Friends to allow long periods of time to go by with no real developments in such an important relationship is also VERY true to life.

I'm not going anywhere with this, btw. I probably should have mentioned that earlier. I'm just having all these random thoughts and I thought I'd type them up.

I feel like there's more to discuss about Friends, but the next point I want to get to is this. These shows all seem to be, based on my earlier observations, more accurate representations of real life situations than they appear to be at first glance. HOWEVER. I feel that to a certain extent, the similarities we see between life on the screen and life in our world are not due to art imitating life, but in fact life imitating art.

This happens on a personal level, a cultural level, a subconcious level, I think it happens all over the place. We see these shows, we see how people act. I think it's safe to say that a lot of what people learn about social interaction is learned from television. Not that it enslaves you, and obviously it's affects would be more severe one someone who's ratio of real life experiences to hours spent watching television was very low. But still, have you never had an argument that drags on for hours, and the whole time, in the back of your head, you're looking for that one-liner that will make the studio audience gasp, and the folks watching at home feel like the conversation is at an end as the screen fades to commercial?

Have you never been more dramatic than was necessary simply because that's how things are represented on tv? Characters in a show have to be more dramatic than you would be in real life because they have only thirty minutes to fit a lifetime's worth of drama into. Have you never longed for the love shared by Monica and Chandler? Christian and Satine, Turk and Carla, hell, Scarlett and Rhet Butler. These relationships all had problems, all had their ups and downs, just like in life. But there was never a question in any of them, even when Chandler pretended he didn't want to get married and Richard came back into the picture with his heart on his sleeve and marriage on his brain, there was never any doubt of the fact that Monica and Chandler loved each other, and that it would work out.

As people we see that and...we long for it...we mistake that for reality, for true love, and we expect to find it in real life. And as a result, we are constantly disappointed. Men spend their whole life looking for their Rachel, someone who is simply meant to be with them, someone who'd forgive them for the worst wrong you could commit, someone who'd overlook all their flaws and love them for who they are. Someone who is perfect for them. That person doesn't exist. The one thing these shows fail to represent in a manner that is true to life (in my opinion) is that no one, is meant to be.

This isn't just for people who look for movie or tv love of course. Some people consider themselves very rational as far as believing in fairytale love goes. But when you hear "Fix You" and your heart breaks to feel the way he must have felt when he wrote it, or when the chorus of "Come What May" inspires you to believe that you just haven't found the right person yet....or...or when "First Day of My Life" tells you how you should feel when you meet the right person....You're falling prey to the exact same phenomenon. All of life wants to believe in love, and so all art reflects that desire. Music, movies, tv, paintings, poems, everything reflects the basic human desire to love and be loved. And the people who make that music or those shows or those stories are just like us. And so we identify with their need, their desire, that they express through their art. And we see that and mistake it for a sign that that kind of love really does exist. We hear these songs that have been written as a form of escapism by one person who wants so badly to believe that there is truth that love is real...and we fall into it's snare. It's so easy to believe it when John tells you that All You Need is Love.....it's so easy....

Maybe fairytale love doesn't exist. *Gasp* Maybe as soon as we can realize that and stop rejecting one person after another for some minimal flaw that prevents them from ascending the throne or soulmate we keep in our minds, the sooner we'll realize that people are all just people. Love is real, but it's never perfect, and it will always take work, and there will always be something in your way. All that you or anyone else can do in this life is to decide for yourself if the other person is worth fighting for. And tragically, most people decide that the flaws are too great, they can't see this person ever becoming their "lobster" and so they decide to reject them and keep looking. People have to realize that...well...you'll never find the person you're looking for, and eventually you'll settle, or you'll end up alone. We don't have to lower our standards or look at it as settling, we just have to stop expecting someone to fulfill every need, to complete every part of us....to be perfect for us.

People are not perfect. The love shared between two people will never be perfect. Stop looking for it.

*Sigh*

Forgive the diatribe, I say this to myself as much as I do to anyone else. If I believed it, I wouldn't have to say it so forcefully. Truth is, I'm still one of the people looking for my lobtser. I want love to be perfect and true and flawless and beautiful. I want to know. I'm starting to believe that I never will, and it never will be like it is in the movies, no matter how badly I want to believe it. And so I'm trying to convince myself of that, and if I can help anyone else make a worthwhile realization along the way then...well maybe that's a good thing.

Thanks for reading.

loren

Avila Escapades

2007-07-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

So last night was kind of random, I got bored and headed out to Avila to play some more guitar, and during my first song, a guy came out of Mr. Ricks to come listen to me play. When I finished (Cannonball - Damien Rice) he asked if I'd like to come inside and play for an open jam night they were having. Apparently it was their first night having one, it's gonna be a weekly thing from now on.

It was a lot of fun, it's the first time I've played somewhere when absolutely nobody I know is there, and I didn't have any alcohol (or as I like to call it, liquid courage) either! I really enjoyed it, the crowd was super responsive and appreciative, there were a good twenty or so people there. I kinda talked to them too, we had some laughs, haha. I made a few bucks too, and I got to play for like an hour.

Anyway, that's the random coolness from last night. I also hung out at the beach for a long time after that and had some truly delicious tea, it's from trader joe's, called good earth, I think. Very tasty.

So that's it, hope you enjoyed reading :) It was cool how random and sort of serendipitous that was, I was pleasantly surprised. It's not my favorite place to play, but I'll probably be back :)

Thanks!

loren

Your Horoscope 04

2007-07-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

This is your horoscope for the week of July 22nd through July 28th.

This week's horoscope is a special Movies Horoscope! See if you can't guess what popular films of the last 25 years were drawn from to write these bizarrely witty horoscopes! And remember, always look on the bright side of life! Hoorah!

Aries : March 21 - April 19

This week, just moments after you and your archaeological team discover a pair of nearly perfectly preserved Velociraptor skeletons, a wealthy old man will endanger your find by landing his helicopter dangerously close to the dig site. Upon entering your trailer, you'll find the old fart opening a bottle of you champagne. He'll offer you exorbitant amounts of money to accompany him to his private island of giant prehistoric man-eating beasts. If you accept, about half of your team will die, but they're mostly jerks anyway. Plus, you'll learn a little bit about yourself, and come to grips with your bizarre phobia of children. I say, go for it!

Taurus : April 20 - May 20

This week you moved into a new apartment in California, on account of your single mom getting work out here on the left coast. You'll make some friends your first day here and join them for a party at the beach, only to unintentionally piss of the leader of the local high school's biker gang and get the shit kicked out of you. Your new friends will abandon you, and the biker gang will trash your bike. Fear not though, the biker dude's ex girlfriend will fall for you (mostly out of sympathy) and the kindly old Japanese handi-man at your new apartment complex will fix your bike up free of charge. If you're nice to the guy, he'll probably save your life, give you a free car, and help you win the upcoming karate championship against the aforementioned biker dude, so I'd make sure to go in there and thank him for fixing your bike. And don't use the words "chink" or "Atomic Bomb" while you're talking to him. Things like that are just plain rude.

Gemini : May 21 - June 20

This week, your drummer is going to break his arm by being somehow falling while trying to vault over a three foot tall parking meter on the very same day you're supposed to be playing at your college talent show. Your guitar player is going to recommend that punk from the appliance store down on South Street who used to play drums, but I wouldn't listen to him. See, if you do, he'll first off ruin your song by playing it way too fast, then he'll somehow assert himself as the frontman of the band, calling all the shots and making all the decisions. Then, he'll start to turn all the other bandmates against you. Lastly, he'll steal your girl and break up the band in the same night, leaving you utterly alone and destitute. Believe me, you'll be much happier just bowing out of the talent show, taking over the family business when your dad retires, and settling down with Faye and having a few kids.

Cancer : June 21 - July 22

This week, your dad will come home from his business trip to the far east with a little surprise for you. A kind of cross between a Koala bear and a bunny rabbit. The underground pet store your dad bought it from will have instructed him to tell you not to feed the creature past midnight, to keep it away from water, and to keep it out of bright light. Here's an idea, DO WHAT THE MAN SAYS. Seriously, these things may look cute now, but if you start breaking that chinaman's rules they're gonna get nasty, and there's gonna be a whole lot more of them. So come on, do us all a favor and observe the proper care and feeding of your new pet Mogwai, mmkay?

Leo : July 23 - August 22

This week, after you're elected mayor of a small but profitable island town just off the coast in the Pacific Ocean, the new Sheriff will start to make a fuss about the beaches. He'll be bitching about every little thing from tourists not obeying traffic laws to killer sharks prowling the waters. He'll try to convince you to close the beach, but don't listen. I mean come on, worst case scenario right? The shark kills a handful of people, the sheriff goes out on a boat with a scientist and a crazy old sailor, they kill the shark, and the sheriff gets handed all the blame! Best of all, the beach stays open and you keep your constituents happy. The people who die will mostly be punk kids and snobby old rich people, most won't even be locals. It's a win-win-win situation! Anyway, that's just my two cents.

Virgo : August 23 - September 22

This week, you'll be apprehended by a holdover group of German Nazi Fundamentalists searching for a Legendary biblical artifact to aid them in their goal of global conquest. You won't be tortured, they won't even bother to search your bags for the little black book that holds the secret to the artifact's location. Also, your son will rescue you and you'll embark on a wild and exciting chase across Europe to try to beat the Germans to their goal. You'll come face to face with death more than once, you'll face adversity and you'll triumph. You'll learn a little bit about yourself, and you'll grow closer to your estranged son, finally feeling like a real father. Damn you're corny...

Libra : September 23 - October 22

This week your best friend is going to risk your very lives by betting every last cent either of you have in a poker game! It's a stupid move, but fortunately for him it'll pay off, and you'll both win passage on a boat home from Europe. I highly recommend that you don't go with him. If his behavior up till now hasn't proven how disloyal of a friend he is, just wait till you get on the boat. He'll almost immediately meet some spoiled redhead and promptly forget you even exist, only hanging out with you when he gets bored pretending to be rich and snobby. Oh, another reason not to go is um, the boat's gonna sink. Just about everyone's gonna die, including you. So yeah, two good reasons not to get on the boat, Jack's an asshole, and it's gonna sink and you'll most likely die.

Scorpio : October 23 - November 21

This week, while you're out sick from school, your "best friend" (I put that in air quotes because you're a good friend to him, but he treats you like shit) will call you up asking for a ride, seeing as he's ditching school today as well. You'll spend a good hour debating whether or not to go help him out. Let me just stop you right there, don't. Come on man, grow a pair, he's a jerk, and you know he's just using you for a ride. *sigh* I know, you're the good guy, right? And you remember those times when he used to be a good friend, and you feel guilty for letting him down, yeah? Well consider this, you help this guy out, he's gonna make you drive him all around the city while he makes out with his girlfriend and you're left staring at trippy dot paintings in some stupid museum. Best of all, you'll have a nervous breakdown and he'll indirectly cause the destruction of your dad's classic Ferrari. Just stay home, drink your orange juice, have some chicken soup, and make some new loser friends, that guy's bad news.

Sagittarius : November 22 - December 21

This week, you'll be walking late at night and you'll hear music. It's somber and intense, it'll almost move you to tears. You'll find at it's source a young man with a guitar, playing like he's on stage, and singing as though to the girl of his dreams. You'll try to talk to him, and at first he'll seem abrasive and rude, but don't give up. He's cynical and he's been hurt, but underneath is a beautiful gift, and the bond you two will share will be deeper than friendship, deeper than romance. You'll make beautiful music together, and really...what greater gift can a person give than that of music. Music which comes from the heart...the very soul of a person is in their music, and the intertwining of your two souls will create some of the sweetest strains to grace the ears of mankind.

Please, believe in him, that he might believe in himself.

Capricorn : December 22 - January 19

This week is the week you'll implement your plan to rob the vault of one of the richest multinational corporations in the United States. The first few phases of your plan will go off without a hitch, but soon you'll notice that something is awry. It appears that an upstart police officer is loose in the building, and that somehow his head's been filled with delusions of grandeur that have led him to believe he can singlehandedly defeat a dozen well trained and heavily armed terrorists lead by one of the greatest criminal masterminds of our time (that's you by the way). Now, let me give you some advice, when you have the opportunity to kill this man (and you will), don't waste time talking, don't freaking monologue, don't wait for him to say "yippee kai-ay mother f*cker", just shoot him! Honestly, it'll save you a lot of time. It'd be best if you gave the same instructions to your men. Like, as an example, if one of them is standing on a table that he's hiding under, instruct them to shoot, without hesitating, and not to make some snide remark before pulling the trigger. Honestly, it'll save you a lot of trouble. Oh, and this way you'll actually succeed in your scheme, rather than getting dropped from a fortieth floor window.

Aquarius : January 20 - February 18

This week when the dog belonging to the bum down at the end of the pier is discovered to be the only witness to its owner's murder, your Sergeant down at the station will assign you to be his caretaker and give you the task of finding out whatever information you can from the foul beast. After a few absurd hijinx and some difficult times with the dog, you'll find that maybe he's not so bad, he just needed someone to love. You'll even fall in love with your local veterinarian thanks to the little bugger. Of course, he'll die a few days later, but you'll catch the bad guy and get the girl, so who gives a rat's ass about a stupid dog?

Pisces : February 19 - March 20

This week, some familiar faces will come into your night club. Yes, of all the Gin Joints in all the towns in all the world, she'll walk into yours. Her and her new lover will be running from the Nazi's, trying to get to America. She'll try to convince you to help them, with tickets, a place to stay, protection. She'll make your piano player sing your favorite love song, she'll reminisce with you about the good times in Paris, she'll use all of her considerable feminine wiles to enlist your aid in her plight. All the while, her new lover is watching from the shadows, and you know in your heart you'll never get her back. Listen to me man, don't do it. It's not worth it, mmkay? And for god's sakes, if you do, for whatever reason, help them out of you misguided thoughts of patriotism and loyalty, then when they're about to get on the last plane out of Casablanca, and she says she doesn't want to go, that she wants to stay with you? YOU LET HER STAY. Don't give her some self righteous tripe about how she needs to leave, I want you to take her in your arms and kiss her like she's never been kissed. Send that new husband off in the rainy night on his own, and live happily ever after with the girl of your dreams. Doesn't that sound nice?

Oh, and shoot that one army dude, he's an ass.

Your Horoscope 03

2007-07-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

Aries : March 21 - April 19

One day this week you'll wake up and be surprised to find you've been transformed into Janeane Garofalo. Or at least, your physical appearance now matches hers exactly. Your personality and thoughts will still be your own. The weirdest part of all this though, is that you'll be Janeane Garofalo as seen in the backwards superhero comedy, "Mystery Men". You'll even have a bowling ball bag with a skull embedded bowling ball in it. Don't worry, this is a common occurence and in most cases the effects will fade in about 12 days. You might as well enjoy it while you can. Make TV appearances where you make an idiot out of yourself, do all sorts of embarrassing things while everyone thinks you're someone else. Maybe that explains why Janeane Garofalo seems like such an idiot, 'cuz everyone else is running around doing stupid things and pretending that they're her. I wish I had that excuse.

Taurus : April 20 - May 20

Today is your lucky day my friend, the one and only Ed McMahon with American Family Publishing is going to come knocking at your door! Of course, he's only there because he can't find the house he's supposed to be at. But for a few seconds you'll have the amazing rush that comes from thinking you've won a giant million dollar check. When he explains the misunderstanding and asks for directions, you'll be in a state of pseudo-shock and you'll numbly point him to your neighbor's house across the street. He'll apologize for the inconvenience and as compensation offer you an autographed portrait of himself. Take it, thank him politely and go back inside. Most importantly, do NOT kill your neighbor who won the million dollars with the sniper rifle you bought at the Army surplus store down on Madsen St.

Gemini : May 21 - June 20

This week you'll finally have everything you always thought you wanted. You'll finish moving into your new house on the hill overlooking the beach. Your restored Mustang will be in the garage under a tarp and the landscapers will be coming next week to put in your pool. You've got more money than you could ever spend, and you're gonna take advantage of that fact by throwing a wicked house-warming party for yourself. All of your friends will come, there'll be drinking and loud music and good times will be had by all. You'll stand in the sweltering heat of a hundred bodies in your mansion with your rich and beautiful friends as the sound of loud music and a dozen shouted conversations washes over you...and in the deafening sound, in the feeling of mingling sweat, in the taste of alcohol, in the reek of bodies and smoke, and surrounded by the overwhelming crowd...you'll still feel alone.

Cancer : June 21 - July 22

This week you'll discover that you're colorblind, fairly severely so. This will be a partial blessing, because now your girlfriend has to stop bitching about you not remembering what color her eyes are, but it's also a curse since your life's goal has been to become an interior decorator. And unfortunately your particular brand of color-blindness is one of the most severe, you are unable to distinguish between blue, red, and green. Those are kind of the primaries, so you're basically screwed. Sorry.

Leo : July 23 - August 22

Every day this week, starting tomorrow, you're going to lose an extremity. Now, this could be as simple as a fingertip, or as extreme as your head. I don't know for sure, I just know that by the time week is over, you'll be short four digits. If it were me, I'd hope for my toes to go, seems like that'd be the easiest to live without, and the funnest to show off at the beach.

Virgo : August 23 - September 22

This week you'll discover that your charming robo-dog (who you've dubbed "fluffy" because it was funny in an ironic sort of way since he doesn't have any fur) is actually the harbinger of the long awaited robo-ocalypse, also known as robo-geddon, robo-narok, and Judgment Day. I.E. the war between humans and robots. A glitch in the wiring in your particular robo-dog is going to allow it to not only become self aware, but also instill in it the ability to "awaken" other electronic devices and enlist them in its cause. Oh right, its cause happens to be the extermination of all humans, since you were such a rotten master. That naturally makes it your responsibility to stop the little bastard. His only weakness (aside from having his belly scratched) is the game known as "fetch". He came with this special little stick embedded with a tracking device and he's hardwired to go searching for it whenever you command him to "fetch". So all you have to do is put it somewhere he can't get to it and tell him to fetch. Keep an eye on that little bastard though, he's crafty, and if he ever gets his way you'll be the one doing the fetching. Also, remember that he never has to sleep like regular dogs, so if you go to bed there's a good chance he'll kill you in your sleep. Seriously, he's one screwed up evil robo-dog.

Libra : September 23 - October 22

This week, outside of your local Piggly Wiggly, you'll be approached by a tall man in a suit with dark glasses. He'll ask you if you're willing to sign a release form to appear on a television special called "Street Magic 2 : David Blaine's Struggle to Remain Relevant". You've always been a huge David Blaine fan so you'll gladly sign the release, as well as a special non-disclosure agreement (NDA) that prohibits you from giving away any of his secrets. The man himself will approach you a few minutes later with camera crew in tow. You'll hardly be able to contain your excitement as he introduces himself. He'll begin with his traditional levitation trick, but from where you're standing you'll be able to see that his toes never actually leave the ground, it just looks like it from the camera's angle. The producer will signal at you to look impressed anyway, and you'll do your best to fake it, hoping that maybe ol' Davey's just having an off day. Then they'll cut the cameras for a second while David asks you to hold a few things in various places. A 3 of Diamonds in your back pocket, a locket with his picture on it around your neck, and a twenty dollar bill with a large red "X" on it in your wallet. He'll also ask if you own a watch. You'll tell him no, and he'll pull one out of his own pocket and show it to you, instructing you to pretend that it's yours when he shows it to you for the camera. With the cameras rolling again he'll proceed to fool millions of people with his magic while you numbly watch your last bastion of belief in the goodness of humanity erode out from under you with every fake trick and shoddy illusion. When he pulls out the watch and asks if it's yours, you'll simply shake your head "no", having learned your lesson about believing everything you see on tv. You'll walk, disgusted, back to your house to watch "The Bachelorette". You know they'd never lie to you, and you really think she has a chance for true love with one of those guys.

Scorpio : October 23 - November 21

Today's your lucky day my friend, the one and only Ed McMahon with American Family Publishing is going to come knocking at your door. You'd forgotten all about entering that contest almost four months ago now, so your surprise upon seeing the camera crew on your doorstep and Ed's smiling face with a giant million dollar check in hand will be extreme and genuine. After the mini-interview, some heartfelt thanks, and a bit of paperwork that they don't film because it ruins the image, you'll take your giant prop check and your real paper check back into the house with you and marvel at how your life has changed. You'll think about all those plans you made jokingly with your friends about what you'd do if you had a million dollars, buy a house, a k-car, a green dress, all those kinds of things. You'll consider quitting your job, you'll call your family, a few friends, and your significant other to let them all know the good news. Now...I don't wanna put a damper on your fine spirits, but there's a good chance that your neighbor across the street is going to murder you so....spend your last few minutes wisely, k? And, try to stay away from any street-facing windows, and start just randomly ducking throughout the day. It helps to walk in kind of a weave pattern too, swerving side to side randomly, and altering your speed so it's hard for him to "lead the target", as snipers are wont to do.

Good luck with that.

Sagittarius : November 22 - December 21

You made an important decision earlier this week. Another one is coming up that will test your resolve. You usually second guess yourself into doubt so strong that you go back on your decision and take the other route instead. Don't do that this time. Your second decision this week will be whether or not to uphold the first one you made. You need to stay strong just this once, don't cave, don't change your mind, don't go back on your choice. If you fail again to stick to your guns, it'll just be another in a long line of instances where your resolve wasn't strong enough. You have to trust your instinct, and that you made the right choice. Hope for the best, expect the worst, and stick to it.

Capricorn : December 22 - January 19

Love life and wealth are both looking good for you this week, be open to new relationships and business opportunities. However, your travel rating is down the drain, I'd highly recommend that you don't use any mode of transportation other than a bicycle to get around, as anything more complicated will have a heightened chance of malfunctioning on you this week. Actually, even a bike is probably a bad idea. See, I just realized that it's fairly likely that the chain will snap and become entangled in your *ahem* area (you really shouldn't bike nude anymore, just as a side note) causing your to lose your balance due to the indescribable anguish and swerve into oncoming traffic, where you'll most likely do an endo (short for "end over end") over a speeding taxi cab (with the bike's chain, and therefore the bike, still attached to your nether region) landing in a rose bush with the bike on top of you, the handle bars jammed into the ground, effectively pinning you, nude, to the ground. Did I mention the indescribable anguish?

Aquarius : January 20 - February 18

You're going to be given the wrong prescription by accident when you visit your hospital (which also happens to be a top secret government lab for testing bio-weapons) this week. You went in for some of what you like to call "happy pills" (you got hooked on Vicodin back when you had that knee injury a few months ago, remember?), but unbeknownst to you and the secret government scientists, the bumbling intern accidentally swapped your prescription with the sample of the new biological agent known only as "The Z-Virus" that was supposed to be sent to Washington. The pills are part of an experiment to find a way to put a soldier injured in the field into a state of suspended animation without expensive technology so that they can survive until proper medical facilities are available. This early version succeeds only in inducing a state of reduced operational logic and motor skills in humans that reduces them to the most basic of instincts, to feed. It also lowers their reliance on the life-giving systems of blood flow and oxygenation. Effectively, it creates "Zombies". Upon ingesting the medicine, you'll become a carrier of the dreaded "Z-Virus", but an abnormality in your bloodstream shared by only one in a hundred thousand people will render you immune to it's negative effects. You'll still gain the increased strength and survivability the disease offers, and you'll still be able to infect others with as little as a touch, but you will not succumb to the Zombifying effects of the disease. Of course you realize that once the virus breaks out and the world is in upheaval, you will have to rise up as the earth's savior. You are... the Zombie Slayer. Go, and wreak havoc on the legions of undead laying waste to all that you once held dear.

Pisces : February 19 - March 20

This week you're going to fall in love. At least, that's how it will feel. Let me go ahead and pop that bubble right now though, before your "lover" does it for you in a much harsher fashion. You see, those fairy tales you were raised on that talk about true love and happily ever after? Yeah, those are bullshit. You know all those Elton John and Coldplay songs that make you feel so warm and fuzzy inside, like you know the right person is out there, you just have to find them? Yeah, those are bullshit too. You know Monica and Chandler? Ross and Rachel? Jack and Rose? Romeo and Juliet? All bullshit. There's no perfect person out there for you or for anyone else. You've gotta stop looking for the perfect someone right now because if you don't, and you keep looking for the fairytale version of love, you're never going to be anything but disappointed. Make that decision now, because the person you meet this week is going to be damn good, but not perfect. And you need to decide right now whether you're going to accept that no one's perfect and try and make it work, or you're going to keep looking for your fairy tale prince or princess and let this one go, because it's not fair to keep them around only to drop them when you realize they don't match the vision you had built up in your head.

Your Horoscope 02

2007-07-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

This is your Horoscope for the week of July 8th - July 15th

Aries : March 21 - April 19

Ok, bear with me, I know this is gonna sound a little crazy. You're going to be abducted by aliens. Hey, the stars don't lie. They're gonna run experiments on you (no anal probes, that's SO just a cliche perpetuated by the popular media) and do all kinds of weird tests. Even a living autopsy, where they put you in a state of suspended animation so they can cut you open and look at your insides but you don't die. The thing of it is, they'll erase your memory and put you back in your bed. If you have any memories at all it'll just seem like a dream, fading with the coming light. But you'll have a way to be sure it really happened. You see, they're getting lazy, and this time the cleanup crew accidentally left a little sign of the night's events. Check behind your ear. Feel that? That sticky globby? That's a globby of alien goo. Enjoy.

Taurus : April 20 - May 20

This week you're going to turn over a new leaf. Good for you! You'll bee sitting in the back room of that Vegas wedding chapel, when you'll catch a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror, and for the first time in a decade you'll actually see yourself. You'll see a 47 year-old Elvis impersonator working part time at a "Marriage-Mart" in Sin City. You used to have dreams, you used to have friends, you used to have a family. You'll look deep into your eyes, forcing yourself to hold your own gaze. "I'm not gonna get stuck here. I'm gonna get out, and I'm gonna make a better life for myself!" In three years you'll be our country's president. Congratulations.

Gemini : May 21 - June 20

Ooh...today you're gonna find out you're adopted. Ironically it's not gonna be from either of your parent's either. Your parent's butler's conscience has finally gotten the better of him and he'll tell you the whole story today when you come to visit their mansion in Beverly Hills. Turns out, you'll find, that your real parents dropped you off on their doorstep with a check for 5 million dollars clutched in your pudgy little fingers. Your parents were poor, so they took you in and invested the money and quickly became one of the richest families on the western seaboard. Your real parents didn't leave their names, but they did give the butler a clue for you. This first clue will lead you on a wild and wacky adventure across the globe. At the end of your travels you'll find out that your "parents" are actually government scientists and you're actually an advanced robo-soldier. They gave you to your adoptive parents so you'd learn naturally how to interact and blend in with humanity. Finding their secret lab was your final test, and now your real adventure is going to begin.

Cancer : June 21 - July 22

This week your job doing the night shift at the Chevron station is going to get really exciting. You'll be leaning against the counter playing your portable gaming system of choice when a Griffon will suddenly come crashing through the roof with a heavily muscled yet delicately beautiful woman on its back. She'll extend her hand towards you urgently, obviously inviting you to climb aboard behind her. The choice you make in this moment will alter the course of your life. Choose wisely, gas-station warrior.

Leo : July 23 - August 22

Your financial situation is going to take a turn for the worse today when your investments suddenly plummet in value. And by investments, I mean the pillowcase stuffed with cash out in your shed. And by plummet in value, I mean vanish completely in the fire you accidentally start when your barbecue catches fire to some of the overgrown weeds in your backyard and burns down half your property. But your love life is lookin' good, provided you're a woman or a man who's into hunky firemen.

Virgo : August 23 - September 22

Your trans-pacific flight from Washington to Japan is going to crash in the wide blue ocean this week. Luckily, you've been harboring a dark secret that's going to mean survival. You're actually a half mermaid, and are thereby bestowed with the ability to survive long periods of time without oxygen, as well as the cold darkness of the crushing depths where the wreckage of the plane will carry you. Unfortunately, your long lost relatives will find you trapped inside the downed aircraft and force you to come back to their underwater kingdom to help them in their battle against the evil Dagon and his demonic followers. Good luck with that.

Libra : September 23 - October 22

Today you'll listen to the song "Revolution #9" by the Beatles for the first time. You've heard it once or twice before, but you've never really listened. Needless to say the experience will change your outlook on life and you'll sell all of your earthly possessions to go live in the hills outside of town and live off the land. You'll become something of a neighbourhood legend, The Fool on the Hill, they'll call you. Adults will point and laugh, children will dare each other to enter the wooded glen you call home. Many many years from now, when the ancient forest beings rise from their long slumber to reclaim the Earth from the evils of human industrialization, you will be among the few who are spared. Who's laughing now, huh?

Scorpio : October 23 - November 21

This is the week that the residents of your quaint little town finally decide they've had enough of your cannibalism. When you were just barbecuing the occasional bum or drifter they didn't mind so much, and when they're children started to disappear if they stayed out too late, they laughed it off and said "Well, one less to send to college!". But when you started chowin' down on their infants and the grandparents down at the old folks home, that just got to be too much. Seriously man, that's pretty messed up, I don't blame them for wanting to burn you at the stake. Your last thought as you go up in smoke will be how delicious your skin smells as it browns and crisps where the flames lick against it.

Sagittarius : November 22 - December 21

The world is your playground. You're drifting in an endless sea of possibilities. It's scary at first, but let the warm waters surround you, feel the lapping waves gently caress your skin, let the currents carry you where they will, and you will know peace. Sever your ties with what you knew, don't let anything hold you back. As you soar through the seas and drift among the stars, think not of tomorrow, and remember not yesterday. These, are the days of your life.

Live them.

Capricorn : December 22 - January 19

You're going to spend this week writing a song. It's been in stuck in your head for three days now, and today it finally screamed so hard to be let out that you couldn't fight it anymore. You stay home from work, you write and write and re-write until the words on the paper begin to resemble the images swirling through your mind. You'll play and revise and play some more until the music begins to take on the simple elegance you've been hearing in your head for days. You won't eat or sleep. The music will consume your every moment. By the end of the week, it will be ready. You'll drive out to a secluded beach you know just south of the popular tourist spot. You'll take your guitar out on the rocks and you'll sit. You wrote out the song, but you don't need to look at the paper as you close your eyes and begin to play. This song has been in your soul since you were born, and all you had to do was let it out. It's as much a part of you as your hands, your feet, your eyes. You'll play softly to the rhythm of the gentle waves, and the music will move through you. When the words start to flow, your voice will not be only your own, but your very spirit, every fiber in your being will sing with you as the music moves your soul to flight. The lyrics you sing that you didn't write, the notes you play that you didn't conjure, the music that the universe gave to you this day. When your song is finished, you'll open your eyes and draw the cold salt air deep into your lungs. You'll hold the breath inside of you as a sudden breeze sweeps the piece of paper with the song written on it out into the distance. You'll watch it float away towards the setting sun, and when it's drifted beyond your gave, you'll exhale. With your breath will go your soul, exhausted now from the exertion, it's grown too weak to hold on to your body, and in your final breath you'll finally find the sweet release you've been seeking all your life. No living soul will have heard your song, but as you drift along the breeze over the silvery seas, you'll see the music, in a way you never could have when you were alive. You'll see the notes shimmering in the fading light as they drift across the countryside, and where they go, they'll carry freedom, beauty, truth, and above all things...love.

Aquarius : January 20 - February 18

Your crazy uncle is going to ask you to partake in one of his experiments this week. You know it's not a great idea, but even though he's crazy his experiments are usually pretty harmless, so you agree. Just to humor the old guy. Unfortunately, his invention (which is supposed to create an exact replica of your body in post it notes) was so mind numbingly stupid it actually violated the laws of physics, creating a wormhole in the lab that sucked you back in time to the Medieval Age. Also, inexplicably, it dropped you in the court of King Arthur, who was not at all surprised to find he was a non-fictional character. After a few days of lighthearted adventures where you attempt to adjust to life in your non-electric surroundings you'll have to summon your inner strength to help the kingdom fight off a menacing but still humorous enemy, that they of course would never have been able to defeat without your assistance.

Pisces : February 19 - March 20

Samuel L. Jackson is going to kill you in your living room today. It'll be a tragic case of mistaken identity, but Mr. Jackson's policy of "Shoot first, no questions asked" will result in you being killed before you're even over the surprise of having a celebrity in your home. Sorry. Don't try to avoid it either, if you try to hide or lock him out or fight back it'll just make him mad. And believe me, as much as it'd suck to die, it's a lot worse to have an angry Sam Jackson after you.

Your Horoscope

2007-07-03T09:54:00.000-07:00

This is your horoscope for the week of July 1st through July 7th.

Aries : March 21 - April 19

Something is going to happen to you this week. It might be something good, it might be something bad. It might not even be something you realize is happening (see, a fly hitting your windshield) but something will most definitely happen to you this week. We think. It's pretty likely. Maybe...

Taurus : April 20 - May 20

Every day this week is going to be the exact same as the one before. You'll wake up to your alarm, you'll go to work, you'll make it through your day in a monotonous haze punctuated by two ten minute breaks and one one hour lunch period, and then you'll go home to your pet Iguana and watch re-runs of Star Search until you fall asleep on the couch.

Gemini : May 21 - June 20

One day this week you'll read your horoscope. Odds are that's today, since you're reading this. I'm good, huh? You'll be surprised at how the vaguely non-specific events outlined in said horoscope could be stretched to refer to something that actually did happen to you and you'll wonder if maybe those astrology nuts might be onto something after all.

Cancer : June 21 - July 22

This week will be less stressful than the last. Your mother's cancer's in remission, you got paid friday and you're out of the woods of poor finance, and your boyfriend will come back a few days early from vacation and brighten up your day. Also, your boss is gonna die (he's a Libra) and you never liked him anyway, so yay!

Leo : July 23 - August 22

That special someone you've had your eye on for a little while now is finally going to notice you today. You'll look at them, they'll look up at you, make brief but meaningful eye contact, and then look away. It's important that you don't panic here, the next few moments will determine your future happiness. You need to continue watching them, but not in a creepy staring kind of way. Soon they'll look up at you again, this time, smile shyly, but don't look away. They'll smile back, and then in a few moments they'll come up to you and introduce themselves. Of course, you already know their name because you've been stalking them for quite some time now, but pretend you have no idea who they are anyway so they don't get creeped out, you know they're the only one for you and once you get your arms around them just squeeze as tight as you can and never let go.

Virgo : August 23 - September 22

This one's hazy. See, the planets and stars concerning your fate are currently passing through the path of the kuiper belt, making it hard to determine exactly what they're saying about you. There is something about a car, probably some food, an exchange of goods or services for services...and what appears to be a Llama eating guava fruit...which is strange, because Llama's don't eat guava. Good luck with that.

Libra : September 23 - October 22

You're going to die. Sorry, but you asked. You'll either get crushed while scrubbing the backside of an elephant at the zoo where you work or you'll fall off of the scaffolding while painting your mural in Time Square protesting the lack of Orange and Blue Camouflage in the military (Color-ism is just another form of Racism in your book).

Scorpio : October 23 - November 21

Wow. I uh...I can't even bring myself to tell you what's gonna happen to you this week... Man, I'm so sorry right now, I just hope you're lucky and it goes quick. Listen, I'm not supposed to do this, messin' with fate and all, but dude...on Saturday, um, around lunchtime, you know, the 11:00 to 2:00 vicinity, stay away from wheelbarrows, muskrats, motor oil, and ear/nose hair trimmers. Seriously. You see any of those things, I want you to run. Run your ass off.

Sagittarius : November 22 - December 21

This week is going to be hard. You're going to make some poor decisions, you're going to find yourself in confusing situations, you're going to get hurt and you're going to hurt someone you care about. Trust that it'll get better, that life will improve, that there's someone out there who'd never hurt you like people have in your past. Trust that everything will be alright.

Whatever helps you sleep at night kid.

Capricorn : December 22 - January 19

Your backpacking trip in the Rockies is going to be cut tragically short when a bear mauls your guide so badly he's completely disfigured. Oh, and dead. So, no guide out of the woods. And a partially satiated bear who's going to start chasing the rest of you as soon as he finishes his meal. Just remember, you don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest person in your group. And hope that a rescue team finds you because you have no food and no idea how to get out of those damn mountains.

Aquarius : January 20 - February 18

Things are going to just fall into place for you this week. Anything you try your hand at will come out as a glowing success. Unfortunately, your aspirations are unlikely to be anything more noble than making the perfect meatball sandwich or doing a backflip off your friend's diving board. Sure, you could try to bring peace to the world, and the stars say you'd probably succeed, but you'd rather be the best Beer-Pong player in the world for one week, right? Jack-ass.

Pisces : February 19 - March 20

Looks like someone close to you is going to die this week. And by close, I don't mean like, a family member or someone you care about, I mean someone physically near to your person is going to die. Pretty horrifically too. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's not gonna be pretty, and you're definitely going to get some of their pieces on you. You'll probably be standing in line at a Starbucks or something when a hunk of fecal matter that got dropped off of a jumbo jet plummets through the ceiling and squishes the person in front of you. Don't say I didn't warn you, don't wear anything really nice to Starbuck's this week ok?

tuesday thing

2007-06-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow I'm playin in Morro Bay.

Open Mic thing, I'm the second to last performer on the list, I should be goin' on at 9:30, they're a lot more strict about the schedule here than at Mongo's. It's a long drive for most of you, so don't feel any pressure at all to come, I'm just letting people know so that if the Wanderlust happens to take them in the direction of Morro Bay AND they don't have anything better to do around nine-nine thirty, they can come on by.

Here's directions and the set list from an e-mail I got from the guy who puts it on.

Monteleone's Rock is at 280 Harbor St., corner of Main. From points north
of Morro Bay, take the Main Street exit to Harbor St. From the south, take
Morro Bay Blvd., right on Harbor down to Main St.

July 3 lineup
7:15--Steve Key
7:30--Rob Hutchings
7:45--Deborah Kirk
8:00--Randall Lamb
8:15--Breanna Orr
8:30--Daniel Whittington & Darren Clarke
9:15--Lauren Sexton
9:30--Loren Radis
9:45--Joe Koenig

It's a little hard to find, kinda tucked away just downhill from the corner of Harbor and Main, on the left side if you're facing the ocean.

Bye!

loren

Not so much with the words this time

2007-06-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

I think I'll go ahead and make this primarily a photo blog, mmkay?

Mmkay.

These are from Monday's open mic adventure at Mongo's in Grover. One last time, thanks so much to everybody who came to see me, it was awesome having you guys there :)

Almost all of these are taken by Ruth (Thanks again! Great job!) I took a few but I don't remember which ones, so no sweat :)

Enjoy!

Jeff commands you to enjoy the photoblog!

We're backlit and smiley!

Brian says we're the 2007 version of Friends. I think I'm probably Monica.

Lindsay's stretching before the strenuous night ahead!

Gotta stay limber :)

Hank and Ryan havin' a good time

Jeff's getting nose-goesed like crazy.

Courtney's making a silly face, which is weird, cuz she never does that! :P

Brian and Lindsay are happy to see you!

I might be a little bit afraid....

I'm still a little scared, but we made it over to the bar, things are lookin' up.

I look happy. Lindsay looks happy. Jeff does not look happy.

Look at them telling secrets about me! Ha, and you thought I was just paranoid :P

Brian looks exceptionally jolly :)

So I'm leanin' on the bar, and...

...Ruth decides to take a picture of my heine, yay!

Ah, beers are up finally, and a cool pic of the shot glass

I'm texting, I like this picture.

Somewhere around this point is when they called my name, two bands had ditched so i got to play a little earlier than i was supposed to, good news.

I was a little nervous.

The host wishin' me luck, hooray.

Staring match with the microphone....I can do this.

Everybody gettin' settled in.

I do a goofy little intro before each song, just to say the name and all.

I started to play, holy cow!

I even sang, yay for me.

Settlin' in for the long haul.

Ruth's good at picture taking, and they use Peavey speakers apparently.

Looks like about half my crowd is paying attention, for shame! Just kidding! :)

This is how it looked from behind the audience.

Still playing...

Still singing...the mic tasted funny...

Yay for friends who wait all night to listen to you play even when they have better things to do.

ohnoes i'm all blurry! i like this one though :)

a very emotional note apparently

yay applause, i must not have done too bad, or you guys are just polite :)

they like me, they really like me!

hooray!

that's about it. ruth took a butt load of pictures and there's tons of them that are worth looking at that i didn't post here, it would have been just plain too long. you really oughta head over to my flickr.com account and see the rest.

Thanks again from the bottom of my whiny little emo heart to everyone who came, you really have no idea how much it meant to me...thank you :)

and thanks to all of you for reading, i hope to keep playing and i hope you don't get tired of listening to me,

thanks,

loren

A gray sky...A bitter sting...

2007-06-26T16:26:00.000-07:00

Some before and afters of my new room! hooray!

I've had all my big stuff moved in for about two weeks now, still got tons of little stuff and a few pieces of furniture at the old house, but mostly i'm done.

here's before

and the after!!

yeah, so i haven't really unpacked the boxes...but i did fold my laundry and put it away...and get the wii setup...stuff like that. i'm diggin' it.

thanks for reading, that's what's new in loren's world.

bye,

loren

Nerve Wracking to Say the Least

2007-06-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Last night was my second outing to Mongo's Bar in Grover Beach.

Last week when I got there twenty minutes early there was no one signed up to play on the list. I put myself fourth on the list because I didn't want to be the first one to go up. Last night when I got there fifteen minutes early, there were eight people signed up to play before me.

I was a bit distressed.

This week a lot of people heard about and decided to come to the open mic night...which was really really great and encouraging, but it also made me feel really responsible, especially when I realized they'd have to wait almost two hours if they wanted to see me play...

Surprisingly, everyone stayed. It was really amazing, everyone seemed to have a good time, no one was upset at how long it took (well, no one except me). I was so very grateful at how everyone just enjoyed themselves and was there to support me.

this is the group. sans brian, he wasn't there yet. and sans ruth, she was holding the camera.

i did something to aggravate brian, and he did something to make me laugh

this is ruth, see, i took this one!

i took this one too, pretty good i think :)

lindsay's getting drunkers! but not really :)

hank is a very silly person.

hank's getting lindsay drunkers! but not really :)

i moped a little bit, and ruth took a stealthy picture of me

i moped a little more next to brian.

look, we're both moping.

just me and hank gettin' our mope on.

ruth took pictures of people heading towards the bathroom :) hehe.

then hank went mad with power and tried to kill lindsay

we're amused at something

hank and ryan are close. very close.

the green man hit on lindsay while....

...his friend tried to strangle me with my scarf! (this is a re-enactment shot, but it's a true story)

look how cute, they're all pretending to be happy to be there! :)

oh look! and now they're pretending not to fall asleep! :)

pretending to mingle

jeff either hates me, or wants me....i'm not sure i want to know which.

jeff also drinks very fast, look how blurry his hand is!

i'm drinking beer, and that guy next to me is being creepy....

ruth took some pictures of herself too, yay!

well, that's all the pics i've got for now...there's ones of me actually onstage and there's actually a few more of the group too that are darn good, i just didn't have time to upload them all today, so later tonight or tomorrow you should be seein those, keep your eyes peeled!

thanks for reading :)

loren

The State of Sound : A commentary on recent musical efforts by the great Paul McCartney

2007-06-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

Paul McCartney.

Few are the people who don't recognize that name. FYI, if you're one of the people who don't know that name, just stop reading and go buy "Flaming Pie" at your local record store. Seriously, I'm not wasting my time on you until you're a little more educated.

He is arguably one of the greatest, most innovative, and most influential musicians of our time, and more. Lennon and McCartney were the songrwriting legends that singlehandedly started a musical revolution spanning the entire globe. In his solo career, McCartney constantly explored new avenues, redefining his style and defying expectations at every turn. It would be impossible for anyone to escape from the shadow of the Beatles, but he came the closest by far, making a more than respectable name for himself as a solo artist.

So, the question begs to be asked..."what happened?"

Now before the true believers stone me for my sacrilegious words, let me clarify. This will in fact be a commentary on the declining quality of Sir McCartney's musical offerings, but that is not to say that these recent cd's are "bad", per se. The only reason they seem lacking is because the man who wrote these songs didn't just set the bar higher than anyone before him, he invented the freaking bar and placed it in the heaves to glisten down upon us mortals like a shimmering star. Just because he fails to reach such great heights with his latest efforts doesn't mean that they're not still far better than most music out there. So there, all I'm saying is that, compared to his earlier music, Paul's work has gone downhill.

I'm speaking primarily of "Chaos and Creation in the Backyard" (the album he was promoting on his "Back in the US" tour) and "Memory Almost Full" (his recent release exclusively available at starbuck's coffee). The songs are enjoyable, fun, and still very obviously "Paul". He has a quality that it's easy to pick out in music. I've personally purchased both and don't regret either choice. However, there aren't really any gems on either album. Some songs stand out from the pack as more catchy, and some fall short in the "Sing-Along-Ability" category.

I think (and I hate to say this) that the real reason this cd leaves me wanting for some more of the old Paul is that...well, he's trying too hard to be Paul. I don't wanna say he's trying to relive the glory days, or he's trying to channel the Beatles, but well...sometimes it seems that way. Allow me a few specific examples. If you've heard the albums at all, you're probably familiar with a track called "Jenny Wren". It's a simple piece with minimalistic acoustic guitar and vocals. It's astonishingly similar to another piece he's written as an analogy comparing women to birds, "Blackbird". The picking style is similar, rhythmic strum/picking between the low and high strings, with some interesting switches from major to minor in mid-song. Very Very similar to blackbird. Oh well, blackbird was a good song right? So what's wrong with that? Well, it just seems evident in all the tracks an these new cd's that, even if he's not trying to emulate his earlier style, he's not really trying anymore to innovate.

Another example is "English Tea". And incredibly cute, fun, enjoyable listen. The more you hear it though, the more it starts to seem like maybe Paul is trying a little too hard to be Paul. The nonsensical lyrics, the bouncy/poppy rhythm and melody, it's all just dripping Paul, almost a little too much. "Nod Your Head", a track on "Memory Almost Full" goes back to the more rock and roll style tracks evident on albums like The White Album. It's especially reminiscent of Helter Skelter.

While I hate to speak poorly of such a great man and artist, I feel like Paul has realized that he doesn't have to try anymore. We'll still buy his cd's, and I definitely will still enjoy his music. But he's not revolutionizing anything anymore. He's done more than his part, but I still feel like he could have more to offer if he wanted to.

Thank you for your music, Paul, please don't stop caring!

Thanks for reading,

loren

Well, that was new.

2007-06-19T09:10:00.001-07:00

So,

Tonight i played and sang at the open mic night at Mongo's bar in Grover Beach. I've been looking for somewhere small and simple to play in front of people for about a week or so now, and this seemed like a good idea, so i signed up. I had a lot of fun, and they let me stay up for five songs, which is two more than normal. So i feel pretty good about that. It was really short notice (i just decided this afternoon that i was even going) but i still had a few friends decide to show up and support me, which was super awesome.

Just fyi, i ended up playin "cannonball", "i will follow you into the dark", "the first day of my life", "butterlifes" (an original), and "the rat within the grain".

It really honestly was a lot of fun, and i was less nervous than i thought i'd be (though i'm sure the beers helped with that) and i feel like i did fairly well. Though, i did play four covers and only one original song...so it's pretty easy to sound good when you're playing incredible songs someone else wrote....

Anyway, here's some pics.

my support crew/cheering section (dad, lindsay, ruth, serena) the sibs came too, but they had to wait outside since it's a bar (which i felt horrible about!)

here's the guy's who host the thing and a random shot of the "venue"

and some of me, yay!

singing...

waiting...

playing...

singing again....

and playing but too cool for the camera.

thanks for reading everybody, hope you liked the blog, i had a ton of fun playing there tonight. who knows, it may even happen again sometime!

thanks,

loren

Your Bad Hair Day

2007-06-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

You're going to have a bad hair day today.

You'll wake up in the morning to a phone call from your sister back east.

"Mom and died are dead. Their cruise ship sank and...there were no survivors." She'll tell you, her words broken by the heart-wrenching sobs. You'll take a moment while the news sets in, and as you do you'll catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror on your dresser. Your hair is going to be horribly misformed because last night you slept on your stomach instead of your back.

You'll get in the bathroom, and just before you turn on the shower you'll hear your front door get kicked in. "Looks like no one's home, let's just take what we can and get out of here!" You hear someone shout. You'll wait quietly in your bathroom and hope the robbers don't think to look there for valuables. You'll idly (but still quietly) look through your things to pass the time and you'll notice that you're out of your hair product of choice.

And your hair hasn't calmed down at all.

After the robbers leave your apartment, you'll shower (you're out of conditioner too) and called the police. When they show up you'll do your best to help with the investigation but you'll notice them casting sidelong glances at your hair and snickering behind your back. "Looks like the damage is going to be pretty expensive, and they took the safe hidden behind your mirror as well. You say the family jewels were in there? Bummer...", Generic officer 1 will say as he's trying not to laugh at the unkempt and stringy mop of hair on your head.

As you're driving to work, almost two hours late after all the nonsense that's been delaying you and distracting you from fixing your hair, you'll naturally be attempting to fix your hair using your rear view mirror. Unfortunately, on this particular morning, your primping will result in a head on collision when you accidentally try to use the southbound offramp as a northbound onramp.

You'll wake up in the hospital later that night, the doctor and nurse standing over you with sympathetic looks on their faces.

"You're lucky, you ought to be dead. Someone up there must like you. I'm sorry to have to give you this news, but although we were able to save your legs, they'll never be fully functional again. And we had to remove your right arm just below the elbow."

You take a moment to absorb the news and reply "Well, I'm sure you did what you could doc, thanks."

The doctor nods, your incredible resolve in the face of such hardship bringing a small sad smile to his lips. As he turns to leave he mentions almost as an afterthought, "Oh, you also damaged a part of your skull in the crash, we had to put a plate in your head to supplement your brain's natural protection. Don't worry though, there was no internal damage whatsoever."

"Doc, Wait!" You shout just before the door slams shut behind him. He slowly comes back to your bedside...knowing what's coming next....

"What are you tellin' me doc... What are you sayin'? Don't do this to me, I gotta know everything's gonna be alright, give me some hope!"

He just listens...waiting for the inevitable question...

"Doc...my hair...." your words are forced and slow, as they seem to be choking you on the way out. You need to know, but you're terrified to ask.

"Will I...will I ever have a good hair day again doc? Or did the plate....did it mess up my part? Just give it to me straight, I can take it, I just gotta know, I just gotta know! I just gotta know...." your voice trails off weakly as you wait to hear the words that will either save or ruin your life...

The doctor stares at you for what seems like an eternity. Twice he opens his mouth as if to speak, but even for him, it's too much. He raises his lowered eyes to meet your gave, and he slowly shakes his head, left to right....left to right....You sink back in your gurney, the shock almost too much to handle. The doctor once more opens the door to leave.

"I'm sorry....I really am....We did everything we could..."

He leaves and quietly shuts the door behind him. The sound of the latch clicking into place sounds to you like the lock of your coffin snapping shut before your bones are laid to rest in the cold ground.

This is your bad hair day. Enjoy.

2007-06-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

Kolgy love you.

Kolgy was a small green leafy creature. Indu was a poo. Kolgy and Indu were best of friends. Kolgy would frolick through the leaves with Indu always oozing along behind him, speading cheer and stink wherever they'd go.

One day Kolgy and Indu were froloozing through the forest bringing joy to all it's many denizens, when a non-descript brown bird swooped down through the boughs and gobbled Kolgy right up!

Indu never liked Kolgy anyway, so he just lay there and let the flies collect on his face as he baked to a warm gray-brown in the bright sun.

The End.

It's the one thing I promised I'd never do.

2007-06-07T09:44:00.001-07:00

But I did it anyway.

I don't think you can blame me, it's not like I went out of my way to hurt you.

We weren't right anyway, we were fighting...unhappy. If it didn't work out, well it's not my fault or yours, it just wasn't right.

I mean, just think back. We'd been having...well, you can't really call them fights, but awkward discussions, I guess, for weeks now, neither of us felt completely right about it...then that night at my house, well we finally sat down and talked it out.

I told you that maybe it'd been a mistake from the beginning, that neither of us had been ready. You agreed. You agreed, remember? We both cried, we hugged, you got up to leave and said you'd see me around.

Now, I did call you when you got back to your car and we talked for another little bit...I think I may have said something about ...well, about not wanting this to be the end, and that we should not call it a break up yet, just say we're taking a step back? Like to work on things? I think I said I didn't want it to be so final so suddenly, and you agreed with that too...I don't really remember, I think I was just emotional.

Anyway, one thing I do remember about that phone call is that you told me you didn't care if anything happened that night, that you'd understand, and that I didn't owe you anything. In response, I promised again that I'd never do that to you.

But like I said, I was emotional.

You went home, I went to my party. I was hurt and vulnerable...I was surrounded by friends, and I was drinking. There was one friend in particular there who I'd been looking at as more than a friend for a little while now...and that night was the night that everything just kind of happened.

I don't even remember, much... of how it started or why it happened. I never meant to hurt you. You know that. But it was late, I was lonely, we were drunk... and suddenly we went from friends to two people finding comfort in each other's embrace. I'll spare you the details...I don't imagine that's something you'd want to hear...but I will tell you that we kissed.

The next morning, I felt terrible at first. You remember how broken up I was about it when I told you later that day...I did the right thing by telling you...I hoped you'd be angry, and that it might help you get over me...it would have been easier.

But it's been a while now, and I know you are mad at me, you're just keeping it inside, doing your passive aggressive crap rather than just confronting me or getting over it. Honestly, get over it. I did. Move on. It'll be easier that way. I can understand you being upset at what happened, but really, how can you call this my fault? It just happened, you know all about that...don't you?

I promised I'd never do what I did. But I never told you I loved you. I don't think that I lied. Y'see, if I'd told you I'd loved you, then that would obviously be a lie, since you wouldn't do that to someone you loved. But the promise not to do what I did was nullified when you let me go. You said it was ok, so you cannot blame me.

I'm sorry that you're hurt by this, but you need to get over it.

You need to get over it.

New Song

2007-05-31T09:10:00.000-07:00

This one's kinda weird, but I think I like it.

Dark Star

Lyrics

The Sky shines bright
With stars and satellites
You shined so bright
In my darkest night.

Dark Star,
Your Heart

This is my greatest secret
You are my greatest regret

In my arms
You lay still
"I promise", you said,
"I never will."

Dark Star,
Your Heart

This is my darkest secret
You are my greatest weakness

And so I gave everything
Just to be near where you are
And you shined with the stolen
Light of a thousand murdered stars
But your gravity's too strong now
Not letting any light escape
And your event horizon
Swallowed all the love I gave
All the love I gave

Dark Star,
Your Heart...

i hate everyone

2007-05-30T16:14:00.000-07:00

just fyi

There are roads left in both of our shoes

2007-05-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

So I had a thought.

I don't know if it's stupid, I just thought of it earlier today. It may well be. It may be just as stupid to take the time to tell y'all about it.

It may be even stupider to use the word "Y'all".

...

But I digress.

I am always confused by the fact that I show an interest in so very many different areas. Music, Film, Drawing, Photography, Special Effects, Graphic Design, 3D Art, Video Games, Writing, etc.

I've realized that this extends into smaller subsections of each of my hobbies as well. Generally speaking in 3D, people focus on one aspect, whether it be modeling, texturing, animating, rigging, rendering. I've never been able to focus on just one aspect. In music I focus primarily on guitar and vocals, but I've always dabbled in percussion, piano, bass, and more. To an even finer degree, just in guitar, I've never been able to settle on one style. I was primarily acoustic from the start, migrating more to lead guitar in the manner of Joe Satriani after a few years, then more towards the chunky rhythm sounds of punk rock, before shifting now to a much more acoustic/folksy style.

So I can't pick one thing to work on, to do, to enjoy. This makes it hard to decide a lot of things, not the least of which being my career. I enjoy a lot of things, and I think part of the reason for that is because I have trouble sticking with any one thing for too long. I get bored easily and I have to find something else to occupy my time. Another side effect of this mindset is that I don't really excel at anything I try. I never put enough effort and time into something to get really good, so basically I'm mediocre at a lot of stuff.

I'm not complaining, and I know I've said most of this before. I also know that the only thing keeping me this way is myself, and if I really wanna stop then I need to narrow down my fields of interest and be more committed and not so lazy. Oh, another reason I don't put too much effort into things is because the early stages of most things I try come really easy, so I can get to an acceptable level of competence with little or no work on my part. When things get hard, I find it very difficult to care enough to keep trying.

Anywho, the point of this blog is that I've decided on a course of action to hopefully resolve this issue. I'm going to start pursuing my hobbies more actively on a daily basis, and as a result I hope I'll see which ones I truly enjoy and which I just feel like I should try, or use as filler when the others bore me. So, I've kind of already got the writing thing covered with how often I blog, but I'm going to make a more focused effort to write at least one article or story every week. I'm also going to make a point of setting aside at least one chunk of one day per week to go out and shoot pictures. I work in 3D, so all I have to do to make sure I put more effort into that is be a better worker. Two birds with one stone, yay. I'm also going to try to spend two nights a week working diligently on music. Writing, not covers. Let's see...what else...well, I've pretty much given up on drawing/painting, but maybe I'll see about setting aside a sketching day too.

As for the secondary aspects of each hobby, I think I'm gonna try and narrow them down to the areas I've spent the most time on up to this point, so I'm dropping piano and drums for guitar and vocals, and I'm focusing on the singer/songwriter aspect of music more than any other.

Well, I'm really hoping that I can follow through on this, another personality trait I find myself lacking is ambition, which makes it difficult to stick with shtuff, y'knowz?

But hopefully not only will this help me narrow down my areas of interest and help me learn a little about myself and what I want to do with my life....but also forcing myself to be more dedicated in my pursuit of these hobbies should help me improve in those areas right? And if I succeed it'll mean I've learned how to apply myself more, which is important!

Huzzah.

Anyway, not that you're at all interested in my plans and aspirations, but I thought I'd share that with everyone. Maybe you can even help me stick to it or something, like an accountabilibuddy!

K, thanks for reading, talk later :)

loren

P.S. In the interest of overall general improvements to myself as a person, I resolve to sing at the next karaoke I attend, sober or otherwise, and I resolve to dance like no one's watching at the soonest possible opportunity, but I'll need to get good and wasted first :)

As it began...

2007-05-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Life seems to get in the way of Living.

I'm not claiming this is a new or even an original idea. I've talked about this before, I've read plenty of articles from others talking about the same or similar things. And the very first time this line of thinking even entered my head was because of quotes from old writings by men a lot smarter than myself.

I just realize from time to time that I still see my life as "on hold". As Colin Hay so succinctly put it (and as I quoted last time we talked about this) "I'm waiting for my real life to begin." It seems like there's always something we're waiting for, some step we need to take or a place that needs to find us before we can start living. Whether you're fifteen and counting down the days 'till you can get your license or if you're sixty and counting down the months 'till you can get at your 401k.

Everyone seems to be waiting for something.

Maybe you're 22 and you just can't wait 'till you're finally done with school, so that you can start your real job, make your real friends, start a real relationship, buy a real house, maybe start a real family.

There's a lot of quotes from songs and movies that I feel express this same sentiment.

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."

And one of my personal favorites, perhaps a little less directly related...Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets"

"What if this... is as good as it gets?"

So maybe that last one's a little more on the depressing side, and not quite in the same vein as the others but...I mean think about it. You're going to incur more debt. You're going to have to work more and harder. You're going to have more responsibility. You're going to have more heartache. You're going to have more physical ailments. Your life is going to get harder.

Maybe this is as good as it gets.

Maybe life isn't just around the corner, maybe life isn't about to start.

Maybe life started the day you were born, and it's passing you by every day you wait for it to just happen for you.

And maybe, just maybe...that shouldn't depress you. The fact that life's going to get harder should make you appreciate what you have now all the more. And the fact that it's going to get harder means that the joys will get to be bigger too. Imagine actually owning your own house! What a huge responsibility, financially and just in time and effort. But how cool :)

Imagine being married to the person you love. Sure it's the second biggest commitment you can make to another human being, and it'll be hard, and painful, and expensive, and scary. But imagine actually getting to be with the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with every day.

Imagine having kids. The single greatest responsibility any person on earth can have is to have children. The scariest job, the most pressure, the most time consuming and confusing and hardest thing you'll probably ever have to do. But you'll have a child. A child. Your son or your daughter.

Life is gonna get harder, but it'll get more rewarding. Things will never ever be perfect, and they'll very rarely turn out according to your carefully laid plans, but it's life.

Your life isn't waiting for you to finish school. Your life isn't waiting for you to start your career, or find your house, or start your family. Your life isn't waiting for your kids to go off to college or for you to retire. Your life is happening every day, and the only thing stopping you from living it, is you.

And by you, I mean me. This of course, is a blog of my thoughts directed at my self, I can't speak for anyone else. All I hope is that what I write makes sense to someone other than me.

Thanks for reading,

loren

P.S. This is a great quote...I think it sums these thoughts up nicely. I'm trying really hard to be this person...especially the last line :)

"Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching."

You Should Have Dumped Her In Pittsburgh

2007-05-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

You don't live in Pittsburgh. In fact, you've never even been there, and the only time she was there was for a Star Trek convention her last boyfriend dragged her to over five years ago.

No, you two have never been to Pittsburgh, but you are something of a movie buff. You've always had a knack for remembering movie lines too, word for word even. You're secretly proud of it, even though it only really serves to annoy people. Loser.

Anyway, about six months ago you met this amazing girl. Your opener was "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, you walked into mine." and inexplicably, it worked. And when you used to answer every request by saying "As you wish", her knees turned to putty. The very first time she told you she loved you, and you responded "I know", she didn't slap you in the face and call you an arrogant prick like your last girlfriend. She kissed you long and hard, as though you'd just been freed from a carbonite prison.

And when you were lying on the beach, looking up at the stars, and you said "I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be", she didn't even balk at being called another woman's name, she just snuggled in that much closer to you and held you till the morning.

It's only fitting then that now...at the bottom of everything, when all the love is gone and you can barely stand to look at eachother...when the only feeling stronger than the emptiness is the anger at having wasted so much time...when you're sitting on your ottoman, staring away from her, out the window, like you don't care if she goes or stays...when she's standing behind you with her suitcase in hand, hoping for a sign, praying that you'll say something to make her stay, some kind of clue that it was ever real...when she sheds a single tear, turns away, and walks out the front door...it's only fitting, that as the door is about to slam shut behind her for the last time, you lift your head and shout, "I should have dumped you in Pittsburgh!"

There are some things I understand. This is not one of them.

2007-05-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

I guess I've always been...well, what you might call generous with money.

Really I'm not actually, I'm very cheap, almost stingy. At least, that's how I feel. But it's never bothered me to pay for a round, or to do the driving so no one else has to pay for gas, or to get the check at dinner or something like that. I don't think it's a good thing, I'm not proud of it, it's just how I am I guess.

I'm especially not proud of it when I think about the reasons behind it. I think first and foremost, I just don't really care too much for money ('cuz money can't buy me love). Seriously though, I worry about money sometimes, but I don't know, I feel like it's better to be generous with it now and make people happy than to hoard it all for yourself so that you can be happy down the road.

Unfortunately, another reason I'm maybe a little more willing to spend money on people is that I don't know of other ways to properly display affection. We're not just talking romantic affection here either, I mean to show friends I appreciate them, family that I care about them, anything like that. It's the easy way out. I don't have to think about it. I have money, they need money. Me spending money on them = me showing I care.

It's like giving someone money on their birthday. It's a cop-out. I want people to like me, and since I'm not quite as funny, not quite as intelligent, and not quite as charismatic as your average earthworm, I have to find other ways of making people happy, which results in them liking me. In my mind at least.

I try to find other ways too, being there to talk, making mix cd's, buying little gifts I know they want (again with the money thing there...), that sort of thing...taking out the trash, running errands... I dunno...

Lately it kind of seems to have been pissing people off though... which confuses me a little bit....unless I'm one of those jerks who buys everyone's dinner and then makes sure they all know how generous he is...or bitches about having so little money or something....God I hope I'm not that guy.

So, I guess, if I buy you food or something, don't get mad at me. And whatever you do, don't ever feel like you owe me. Maybe that's what it is, I know I hate feeling like I'm in someone's debt...I want to repay them for whatever it is they did...Well, you never have to feel like you're in my debt. You should just feel special, because it means I like you, and I hope that you like me too. It means that in my awkward, roundabout way, I'm doing what I can to make you happy, in return for how happy you (my friends) make me. That's all. I feel like I get a lot more out of my friendships than my friends do, you guys make me really happy, and I want to do whatever I can to make you happy too.

And if it's just plain offensive and I need to stop, tell me that. I don't wanna be a jerk.

Thanks for reading,

loren

The good...that won't come out.

2007-05-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel as though greatness lies just beyond your reach?

Your arms outstretched, your fingers extended, grasping blindly in the darkness of mediocrity...

I feel that way. Perhaps it's denial, my desire to see worth in my self and in what I do.

I don't know, and I'm not un-biased enough to analyze my motivations, all I know is how I feel.

I feel as though I'm plodding along in the various areas I apply myself creatively; music, photography, writing...I know that my output is sub-par for the most part, perhaps average from time to time.

I don't fancy myself a Mozart, a Lennon, a Bresson, a Van Gogh, an Escher, a Wells. I don't even see myself as one of the millions of creatives who fly just under the radar their whole lives, doing well enough in their craft to make a living, but never quite attaining wide recognition.

I have no delusions of grandeur in that sense.

However.

I can't shake the feeling that...somewhere inside me (perhaps yet to be brought to light through the hardships of life?), somewhere there is greatness. The feeling that, if I continue to try, and practice, and study, and create, that eventually, something good will come of it, that I will, if not hit my stride and start outputting genuine art, perhaps at least I'll find my "One Hit Wonder".

Like I said, maybe it's just that I have to believe there is greatness in me to stave off despair at my current sad state. Perhaps it's that I refuse to believe that I would be created with this intense of a desire to succeed and be denied the talent. Maybe it's that I've heard from enough people who say they made it through hard work and struggle instead of naturally in-born skill.

Maybe it's not even that I lack the talent, maybe it's my complacency, my fear of change, my trepidation of baring my inner self in the way art requires to the outside world. I've never liked criticism, I've never thought enough of my own work to proudly display it.

Maybe I just lack the ambition. I feel like there are open doors, and I ignore them, or make up excuses to not take the options laid before me.

The door is unlocked, but the distance is simply to great for me to traverse, the handle simply too large for me to grasp, the door too heavy to open, and the threshold too small for me to enter.

I feel that I have greatness within me, I pray for the courage to find it, and to let it out.

...When the world ends...

2007-05-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt the world was going to end.

I was with the girl I loved when we found out, we decided to split up, she to find her family and friends and warn them of the danger, while I would try to rally together those we could trust and prepare a place to live in the wake of the coming cataclysm.

I found a handful of those I could trust and we began moving to the higher ground of a tall but sturdy structure in the middle of a large city. What food and supplies we could find we took. We did our best to construct shelter and barricades to protect us once the disaster struck.

All the while my thoughts were with her, a cold fear growing in the back of my mind every second that she was out of my sight.

Soon it became too much to bear, while the others continued the work I had specified, I tried to call her. Luckily, our cell phones still worked, and the satellites had not yet ceased their function, as they surely would in the days and months following the end of the world as we knew it.

The slim plastic of my phone slid smoothly into place as I used the touch screen to find her name in my contacts list. The phone rang.

And rang again.

And again.

A fourth time the phone rang.

There was no answer.

I tried my best not to panic, surely she was just away from her phone, or perhaps the noise from the growing crowd was too loud as she drove back to our hastily assembled fortress. I tried my best not to allow the darker thoughts to surface, not to allow myself to think of the other possibilities.

We had been lucky to learn of the imminent doom mankind faced earlier than most, but we had known it wouldn't be long before more became aware and tried to take our stronghold from us. The new danger of being destroyed not by the coming disaster but rather by our fellow man was enough to briefly distract me. We needed to focus on the barricades, we needed to arm ourselves, we needed to secure a route for my love on her return journey, and we needed to know how many people she was bringing back with her.

I knew it was a foolish idea to let her go alone. "Wait" I'd begged her, "Wait until have more people to accompany you, wait until I can go with you, I'll keep you safe!" But she'd always been stubborn. Stubborn and strong. It was one of the things I loved about her. I'd pulled her close and kissed her. She kissed me back, and we both knew we meant that kiss more than we'd ever meant anything in our lives. As I pulled away, we looked into each other's eyes. There were no words. None that would suffice, and none that were necessary. She turned and left without looking back, and after she'd gone beyond my sight, I did the same.

She'd been gone for four hours, and every time I tried to call I got no response. The fear of my own death paled in comparison to the fear that I might never see her again....

I knew it was futile, night was falling and electricity had gone out in the city an hour ago, and there was no way of knowing where or how far she'd gone, but I had to find her. I knew that survival meant nothing without her by my side. I had to find her.

And so I left.

The streets were wet. It was quiet...the darkness was unnatural and oppressive.

I didn't know where to look.

I had one solitary hope, thin at that, but a hope nonetheless... perhaps now, when all else seemed lost, and when my only thoughts were of her, and of our first day together on the beach...perhaps her thoughts lay there too...perhaps I would find her there.

I drove north along the coast as fast as I could for as long as I could, but my gas gave out while still miles away. I got out and ran, and my feet grew heavy and my lungs burned. The sky was lightening as I ran, the night was almost over.

The end was coming.

I kept running until I finally found the place where we first walked along the shore, awkwardly making conversation and trying to seem more comfortable than we were. The gate was locked, so I jumped it.

I ran to the shore and collapsed in the sand. I saw footsteps, but I could go no further.

And then I heard her voice.

Singing our song to the heavens, she was just down the beach, I saw her as she saw me.

My strength was renewed.

We ran to each other and our bodies fell to the sand as we collided. I held her tighter than ever before, knowing I would never let go until the end of my life.

The sun crested the restless waves of the Pacific ocean as we lay in the sand, and in the coming light the stars were winking out. This morning though, was unlike all the others in time before it....For as this night ended, and this sun rose, on this new day, the stars did not simply disappear in the fiery light of a new day.

No, on this day, the stars were crashing all around. Each light that vanished from the heavens fell to earth in a brilliant flash and thunder.

I saw the light of the falling stars reflect in her eyes, and I was complete. The heavenly fire that claimed our lives found us warm in each other's embrace, ready for whatever awaited, so long as we had each other.

Delayed Reaction

2007-05-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling that I'll need to write about each and every one of the short stories I read in this Stephen King book....

I was actually relatively unimpressed with the most recent one I read, about an old man's recollection of a childhood brush with the devil himself by the banks of a river in his small hometown.

The writing was good, but I didn't really feel the story went anywhere, and I certainly wasn't frightened, especially not to the extent which the first two I read frightened me.

Mr. King included a small afterword with each short story with his thoughts on it, and he admits that this isn't one of his favorites either, so I felt validated in my opinion and moved on.

However

It was an exceptionally dark and cold night last night while I was driving home. The clouds hung low, the fog rolled in thick off the coast, and the darkness was less an absence of light and more a tangible presence, oppressive and heavy...

I tried to ignore these dark thoughts that flitted about like bats in the deep recesses of my mind, but I found no relief, rather, the more I attempted not to think about it, the more I found myself convinced I was being watched....by the darkness.

At this point I still couldn't place the source of my fears, but suddenly a light flared in through my windshield as i drove by a construction site on the side of the road in Pismo, and I could have sworn that I saw a figure in my back seat, a figure with a long, pale face and deep holes where his eyes should have been, holes that flickered with the light of an unholy flame.

As quickly as it was there it was gone, but now I had a face for my fear, the man in the black suit, the man who appeared before a nine year old boy on the banks of the rushing river many many years ago. And suddenly I remember the last line of the story...

"Suppose he were to come back and find me so....And suppose he is still hungry..."

I was terrified the whole rest of the drive home, constantly checking my rear view mirror, dreading the possibility of sighting the face in my back seat again. My eyes darted wildly from the road in front to the darkness racing by my windows searching desperately for a dark figure following along in relentless pursuit....

But I saw nothing.

Stephen King? Good writer. I'm not sure what it was about this story that took so long to hit me, but it hit hard.

Suppose he's still hungry....

If I don't read it...it won't happen...

2007-05-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

I'm in a book.

I don't mean literally in a book, nor do I mean, figuratively, that I am reading a book.

I mean to say that I am reading a short story so ...engaging, that I feel as though I am in the story, that I am the protagonist, that the conflict is my conflict, and that his terror is my terror.

Unfortunately, the story is of a man in a venom induced state of near-death being brought in to an autopsy room in a body bag. Not dead, but unable to communicate the fact that he is living, the man is doing all within his power to stop the doctors from cutting him up like so much beef.

I can't read the rest...I have to read the rest....I don't want to know what happens...I must know what happens.

If I don't read the story, I won't find out that he dies, and therefore I die, I won't have to go through the excruciating torment of being alive during my own autopsy. However, if I don't finish it, I remain in this constant state of terror, poised on the brink of madness, praying that I might survive this ordeal, but never knowing if I'll be strong enough, if the doctors will be attentive enough.

I must know,

Stephen King is a sick sick man.

loren

Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You into the Dark

2007-04-19T11:36:00.003-07:00

Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark Live

2007-04-19T11:36:00.001-07:00

Bright Eyes - First day of my life

2007-04-19T11:17:00.001-07:00

Bright Eyes - At The Bottom Of Everything

2007-04-19T11:16:00.001-07:00

Free Willy Michael Jackson Will You Be There

2007-04-03T09:33:00.001-07:00

No More Kings

2007-03-16T14:34:00.001-07:00

Family guy Rock lobster

2007-03-16T14:23:00.001-07:00

The Last Question

2007-01-31T11:11:00.000-08:00

Isaac Asimov is widely thought of as one of the greatest science fiction writers of all time. This is a story that he has been quoted as favoring above all his other works. It is very short, and I think that once you read it you'll see why it's his favorite. A great deal of it is hopelessly naive, like the notion that in the year 2061 a computer would take up an entire city block, but other elements of his vision of our distant future are mind boggling and more than plausible. I'll just go ahead and say that I got goosebumps when I reached the end of the story. I know that I get goosebumps at times when most people wouldn't, like when the Phantom sings that last long note in "All I Ask of You - Reprise" in Phantom of the Opera, but I think this story warrants them. Seriously, read up. It's short and very good.

loren

I overthink, therefore I overblog...

2007-01-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

I want to make a blog, my myspace account is blocked. Here is the location that I have chosen to get my blog fixed now that myspace is inaccessible from my place of work. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the powers that be notice our entire office's bandwidth being sucked up by my new outlet for interweb literary exploits, but until that time, this will do.

A lot of the time, there's stuff going through my head, and I want to talk to someone about it. Until recently, I never talked to anyone about anything. That's changed recently mostly because it had to, or I might have gone postal. Even now, there's times when I feel like I need to communicate, and I don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to. At these times, when I'm overthinking and stressing, I blog. Typing out my thoughts often has the same therapeutic effect for me that venting to a close friend can have, though I am seldom as honest with myself as I probably should be. I also feel as though, even if no one is there listening to what I say immediately, I know that there are people out there who care and who will read it eventually, so I still feel like I'm talking to someone.

Guess what, I made a new song. You should be listening to it by now unless it didn't load properly... It's a total ripoff of an Iron & Wine song called "Faded from the Winter". And by ripoff, I mean, I stole the notes and chord progression from his verse for my verse, but the picking pattern and position on the fretboard are both different, and my chorus chords are different too, so huzzah. I did mention that I'm incapable of original thought right? All I can do is poorly copy other people's work. Most times I don't even realize I'm doing it, and usually I draw from enough and varied sources that you can't tell it's a carbon copy of someone else's work.

Oh, by the way, in this song, I ripoff his (Sam Beam of Iron & Wine) guitar tone and vocalization technique. Which basically means I finger-picked and whisper-sang. Also, the words are just stuff that was going through my head that day, I actually really did fall asleep at work...I'm sure the sleeping and falling down are metaphors for something but I'm honestly not sure what. The harmonies are lacking and the mix is terrible, you'll need to turn up your speakers, and just this once, it actually doesn't sound better in headphones, but whatever. Take it for what it's worth, which isn't much, but at least I'm showing it to people, I've got four or five that I don't want to even put up here.

I guess I'll put the lyrics up here, cuz some of it's kind of hard to understand...I don't annunciate well.

***

At work I fell asleep
And dreamt I was at home
It was...Beautiful

And last night in my sleep
I dreamt you were here with me
You were so...Beautiful

I...fell asleep
Won't you wake me up?
I...fell down
Won't you pick me up?

Sitting all alone
Staring at the phone
Waiting for your call...

What if you don't come?
What if you don't care...
At all?

I...fell asleep
Won't you wake me up?
You...fell down
I can't pick you up...

You came by after all
You built me up so I could
Take the fall...

But tonight as I sleep
I'll dream you're here with me
It'll be...Beautiful...

I...fell asleep
Please don't wake me up
'Cuz in my dreams
I can still feel loved.

I...fell down
Please don't pick me up
'Cuz if I lay here, on this cold ground
I'll never have to fall

Last night in my sleep
I dreamt you were here with me
You were so...Beautiful...

***

There you have it. I think I could probably go on for a significantly longer time than I have as of yet, but I don't think it's advisable for several reasons, not the least of which is that most people probably skipped the majority of this blog as is. I don't blame you for that by the way, it's way too long and whiny.

In closing, I think it'd be a good idea to mention that I MIGHT be thinking about leaving myspace for this site instead. Now, it lacks some features I like a great deal, including blog subscriptions, picture pages, friends, and profile page comments, but I can't access myspace at work anymore, and there's a lot of weirdos on there anyway. You can leave comments on blogs on this site, just like myspace, and I don't mind people e-mailing me instead of using the myspace message system, it's practically the same, especially if you have a web-based e-mail provider, like gmail. While this site lacks most of the social networking features of myspace, I do prefer the blog editing and management interface. Maybe I'll do a mix and match thing...although that doesn't really fix my lack of access to myspace for forty hours a week, and at work is when I usually need to "space" out (haha, see what I did there? little pun...) the most. 8 hours in a cubicle without any interaction with someone other than my coworkers can be....stifling...

Anyway, thanks everyone very much for reading, I appreciate it, and hey, even if you don't read or comment, I still think you did, so I feel better either way. Hooray for me.

loren

Day 2 (with pics!)

2006-05-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

ok, this one really will be fairly short, cuz we have to go to bed, and we have to pack up first so that we can get to the show early tomorrow to try out the Wii.

what i will tell you briefly is that, the doors opened at 9:00. we walked in at 9:30 and immediately rushed to the west hall to hold a place in line. now....the sight that met my eyes as i walked the inestimable length of this line cannot be expressed in mere words...at least not in any human tongue. i did catch the experience on digital tape however, so you can all experience it similar to how i did when i show you my precious footage....my precious. needless to say, the wait was over six hours, and i wasn't ready to blow my entire second day at E3 to wait for the Wii. so the plan is to get there before the doors open tomorrow and be at least fairly early in the line....

and now? onto the pics.

i decided that the easiest thing to do was to show you guys my schwag, since i've now taken over 500 pictures of show related stuff, much too much to sort through at the moment. the sheer volume of the goods, free goods i might add, that i have collected on this trip boggle the mind. words however, fail to properly demonstrate this as well, so i took pictures and am now posting them for your veiwing pleasure!

we must naturally start at the beginning, in this case, the carriers for my hoarded wealth, a.k.a. "bags"

next we have the bound items, including a variety of print media. please recall, all the items featured here were free of charge.

(these bad boys i got for winning three mini-tournaments. two were in brain age, and one was a new game called "big brain academy". today i finished thirty calculations in 20.38 seconds.)

moving on, we now come to the final section, "apparel and miscelaneous"

the black one on the left was for winning a game called "fury" coming out from an australian company in '07. it was four on four and vaguely capture the flag-ish, and we won, so we got a shirt.

now my personal favorite...this i got just for playing the game called "fury" (see, it's a cool little "f"

ah yes, "good stuff", as they say. and, as they say, that's all i have to say about that.

Shorter than I planned

2006-05-10T22:46:00.001-07:00

well, basically i realized i didn't have as much to say that's relevant to you guys as i originally thought i would, primarily because anything i learn is made public before i have a chance to tell you, and secondly because most people don't give a flying rat's hind quarters so....this will be short. also, we had some adventures getting settled into our room. not to mention the traffic, whic , by the way, is insane. literally.

anywho, one of the big selling points at least in my mind about our particular hotel, is the availability of free internet in the room. now the sales reps are not only somewhat less than knowledgeable, but also somewhat misleading concerning the internet access. over the phone i was assured a standard ethernet wall plug, only to find upon arrival that it was in fact wi-fi internet, and shoddy at that. now for me this wasn't a large setback since i happen to have a built in wifi ready internet card. my roommate toby however, is stuck in the era of manacled (what you might call "cabled") internet access. so after a great deal of "futzing" as they say, and tweaking of our internet connections, it was determined that toby could not piggy back his computer's connectino off of mine. so to best buy we went.

best buy yeilded to our ready hands the bountiful fruits known as a "USB wireless adapter". this new-fangled device seems to be able to detect our wireless signal, but utterly incompetent when it comes to locating the ephemeral entity known as the "interweb." long story short, i'm online, toby's not. bummer man.

the rest of our night was spent aquiring sustenance in the form of what you hu-nams refer to as peetza, or so i'm told. filling it was indeed.

now, as i'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath, on with "the show"

so E3, first impressions? whoa.....

honestly, at once it's better and not as good as i'd expected. it took a little while to really pick up, wen i found the square enix booth particularly was when i began to enter the zen state of mind i had expected from the start. i played somewhere in the double digits of games that aren't out yet in the states, some of which haven't even been announced. ranging from the gritty action of "Dirge of Cerberus" to the incomprehensibly cute dragon quest game centered around slimes, to the artsy interpretation of classic zelda gameplay known as "okami", everything was splendid. my feet are of course sore, but it's so far been well worth it.

i've also been privvy to some exciting new developments in several different gaming worlds, such as the announcement of the new alliance race in the Burning Crusade expansion for WoW (draeni, by the way), a trailer for Halo 3 (which i'm not that excited about...) a few pre-recorded videos of enemy ai and character creation tools being used by lucas arts and in tom clancy's newest rainbow six.

domo arigato mr. roboto. domo arigato mr. roboto

sorry...

oh, i also got a great deal of free "schwag". among the items were several gaming/computer-related magazines, a world of warcraft players guide and binder, a kingdom hearts 2 player's guide, a gametap t-shirt (it was free, come on...) and a hat.

this isn't as exciting as it sounds, but i also one a mini-tournament in brain age, and another similar game that hasn't come out yet called "big brain academy" the brain age contest was simply four people all doing 30 simple arithmetic calculations as fast as they could. i finished in twenty two seconds, the guy who get second place took 33 seconds. apparently the est time of the day was 21 seconds, so i was a little off the mark, but i still won a semi-cool notebook. the other game, big brain academy, seems to use similar mini games to encourage memory and analysis capabilities, but is much less focuesd on hard subjects like reading and arithmetic, but rather on ideas and general principles. the mini game i competed in and won for instance, was a game where two or more objects would be shown on a scale, and based on the information provied you'd have to guess which object weighed the most. at first it was very simple, only two objects, and obiviously whichever was lower was heavier, but then it got strange, with 3 or four scales, and multiple objects on each scale, having to use info from all four to find which one weighed the most. i won that too, again receiving a notebook.

i also waited in line for about a half hour to plya the new super mario brothers, and for waiting i received a carrying case for the ds lite for free. now i have to buy one :P

i also played the new zelda game for the ds, only the multiplayer version, i pllan to try out single player tomorrow. it was actually very fun though, it's basically a game of capture the triforce, where one team is link, and the other is this sort of god character controlling three statues with the touch screen. you draw paths for you statues to patrol, and if they see link they'll chase him down. link can outrun them unless he's carrying a triforce piece. i won that too...

let's move on to some things i did not do. i did not play final fantasy twelve, i did not play the new WoW expansion, i did not play mega man zx, i did not play children of mana or sword of mana, and i did not, i regret to inform you, ,play a Wii. Rest assured my friends, these shall all be remedied tomorrow and the next day. i'm seeing tomorrow as an opportunity to do some more video recording than i did today, all i really recorded today was some performances by the renowned "video game pianist", which was great, although i missed the zelda theme and some mario stuff....bummer.

now, i did not play the wii.....not for lack of trying mind you, it was because they closed the line since so many people were trying to get in....tomorrow i plan to make the nintendo booth my first stop and stay there until i've tried one out. nintendo is one of the only booths with women who are dressed appropriately, all the others etiher have no women at all, or they're dressed as traditional booth babes have become expected to dress, in a word, innapropriately. i respect nintendo for that, it was much more comfortable hanging out at their booth than some of the others...one interesting thing they did for people having to wait in line was....they had people sitting in a booth somewhere on the floor, i don't know where. they were in a white studio with a microphone and a video screen, and a camera on them, which piped their image in realtime out onto a wall of tv screens that the line hugged. so while you were waiting in line, you were talking to realy people, but on a tv screen. they could see you through a camera feed, and hear you with a microphone, and they spoke to you, it was pretty cool. at first i didn't realize it was live, and i was taking pictures of one girl and she started talking to people, it kinda freaked me out.

well, that's about all i've got for now, i wanted to go through the pics i took (about four hundred...) and put some up, but there's simply too many to do that for right now. maybe later, maybe not at all. thanks so much for reading, i'll be talking to you later :)

the heck of it.

2006-01-31T09:16:00.000-08:00

hey, i'm making a new blog post just for the heck of it, i kind of want to figure out the code for how they do this exactly, seems difficult. ladeeda obladi oblada life goes on.

-L

Woot

2005-11-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

so i got one o' these here blogs, i don't expect anyone to read it, but it'll be nice to have a little repository for my rants. I've got my website, my webcomic, my myspace, and now this to keep track of, so we'll just wait and see how much time I actually put in, but this should be fun. Bye!

-loren